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Today''s curve balls

  • samchik1
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12 Apr 12 #323332 by samchik1
Topic started by samchik1
So...today has brought fresh challenges and has thrown me a few curve balls I wasn''t expecting.

The first one was her. She has turned into an emotional mess overnight. Went to bed like the cat who got the cream...woke up a blubbering mess and was all over the place. She never could communicate what was bothering her very well. This time was no different (and yes...I had to ask...can''t just get my bagel, juice, and apple and ignore someone so devastated). Anyway, after some probing it turns out she''s crapping herself about what she''s about to do. As many of you have said, it sounds like she hasn''t thought this through - and she hasn''t. That''s her all over. She is worried sick about having enough money to do this, finding a job, beng able to live comfortably. She was always hopeless at doing things like job hunting...I would help her write a CV, find agencies, apply to them etc. She just could NOT do it. So, she''s flapping...I know she''s waiting for me to step up. I feel so sorry for her. She told her Mum today too (Skype) ...that brought it all home even harder. Her Mum cried. Then, she was asking me if I''ll give her the first of the payments we agreed I''d give. I said I won''t because the money was for when she''s gone...to take care of our son and her. Not for while she''s living under my roof and eating the food I buy...she was angry at that...I felt bad (as usual)...but did not retract it. Left her this morning in a very volatile state in order to go to work...felt like I was more powerful than her...felt good.:P

Other issue that reared it''s ugly head was my son. It suddenly dawned on me that she might one day meet some di%khe%d and try to take my son to another country? Shit? Can she do that? We have a Separation Agreement that details our arrangements in relation to our son...and we were going to get it notarised...but I''m not so sure such an agreement is worth the paper it''s printed on legally? Is it? Anyone know about these things? I guess I''m looking for a cast iron guarantee that won''t happen. Is there any such legal arrangement/guarantee? Anyhow, I love my son so much I''d gladly move to any given city or country to continue seeing him and being a major part of his life...so even if the worst came to the worst (and there''s no indication it will...she is adament about that) I think I''d always get access through my own tenacity. And if care arrangements are biased in my favour over the next few years I doubt she''d be able to take him away - he might even have a say too by then?

That''s just a strange worry that surfaced today...had been mentally fixated on her...less so today. Let her go off with this other guy- he has no idea what he''s taking on...if he gets that far. TBH, will be pleased to see the back of her and the her fuc&*&ing whirlwind of destruction and pain she seems to bring with her at the moment.

I''ve not "worked" today really...just answered e-mails and been treading water. That''s all I''ve done for weeks at work. :blush:

  • leftwondering
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12 Apr 12 #323342 by leftwondering
Reply from leftwondering
Rapidly changing situation there, samchik.
Keep your wits about you and your emotions in check.

On the help with the job/cv/agency issues, this would just be enabling her.

You should say something like " As you already know, I would gladly help my wife with anything, but since you have no interest in being my wife anymore, then I''m sorry, but the answer is no."


  • MrsMathsisfun
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12 Apr 12 #323355 by MrsMathsisfun
Reply from MrsMathsisfun
Agree with LW. Its time she grow up and learnt to deal with the stuff she is causing.

If she wants to leave, then she has to sort it all and get a job etc.

Keep the power on your side. Just keep pressing ahead with sorting out your separation and the arrangments for your son.

As to separation agreements they are bit like a pre nup and dont really have that much legal weight behind them.

As to taking your son abroad my understanding is that she would have to have your permission and would be breaking the law to attempt to take your son with it.

  • Mitchum
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12 Apr 12 #323358 by Mitchum
Reply from Mitchum
You''re having a tough time and for a while it will feel like crisis management with a different crisis each day but it seems you''re taking control.

If you''re concerned about her taking your son back home please read this advice. You may need to take out a prohibited steps order.


Best wishes


  • hawaythelads
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12 Apr 12 #323364 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
Did you notice the best advice you won''t take.
Go on holiday.
Haways so funny and controversial a bit thick.
No I ain''t you''d already said she implodes when lefty to it.
And surprise surprise you might be a shxt lay but she wants your money.
If you hadn''t been there you wouldn''t have to deal with this shxt.
Also I would have taken the kid so that I weren''t worried about the abducted to Russia bit.
Although that won''t happen ever as she wanted the uk passport.But she will threaten it any time she wants to extort a bit more money out of you.If you are weak.
They pull that one just because they are female and percieve they are owed a living not because they''re Russian.I would never want my sexism confused with racism.
So Samchick the big question is are you gonna continue to be used or start looking after yourself and the kid?
Because hanging onto emotions about this bird that uses you is about as much use as a chocolate fecking teapoyt

  • Shoegirl
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12 Apr 12 #323378 by Shoegirl
Reply from Shoegirl
Hmmm wakes up a blubbering mess then asks for money. Then lo and behold, upset turns to
anger when she does not get her way.

My stbx hung around for what he could get out of me.

Even the last meal we ate together before dropping the bombshell he was asking
for the reciepe. Weird I thought at the time but he revealed all after he had finished
his meal of course.

It took me a while to see how my stbx was manipulating me. I''m not upset about
what he did now, I just see if for what it was. He nicked my cv too so he could
rewrite his own.

I don''t feel sorry for him because these manipulators are more than capable of
taking care of themselves.

I''m sorry for you as you are being taken in by her behavior. Sorry if I''m harsh but
I''m saying these things because once you start to see what''s what you will be
better placed to take care of you and your son

  • Lostboy67
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12 Apr 12 #323389 by Lostboy67
Reply from Lostboy67
Hi Sam
You are beginning to show a little bit of fight and seeing her for what she is...
Stay strong, and what ever you do keep your wallet under lock and key. If you''ve not done so, if you have a joint mortgage call the lender and register a marital dispute on the account. Also if you have a joint acount speak to the bank and make sure that she can''t empty the account.

Keep yourself strong and make sure you look after youself and your child.


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