New Partner seeing Old Boyfriend

I have to say it''s the old boyfriend I feel sorry for, being strung along for 25 years in case her next relationship doesn''t work out.

Yes, she has been honest with you and it''s up to you if you want to be with someone who can be like this with people.

Ekaterine

You are so right..I think that''s the problem, so many of us on here have had unfaithful wives or husbands, it is hardly surprising that new partners having VERY good friends of the opposite sex may have cause to make some of us feel vunerable!

Just my tuppence to add to the views above - I would be a little wary and I do not think you are wrong in feeling that way. How that wariness may translate into some action , that is for you to decide, or if indeed you decide not to do or say anything. But I can see why you feel that way.

When I started seeing my stbx I was still friends with my ex fiancee: she lives 200 miles away so I didn''t see her but we kept in touch via email and the occasional phonecall.

Nothing was going on romantically but my stbx didn''t like me still being in contact: I made the difficult decision before we got married to cut down my friendship to pretty much exchanging Xmas cards every year. My ex fiancee understood as she wanted me to be happy and didn''t want to cause tension between my wife and I. When my ex fiancee had her first child a few years back our contact pretty much ended.

However now that my marriage is over my stbx
has shown her true feelings, accusing me of continuing my relationship with my ex fiancee, of loving the ex fiancee more than her, etc.

She couldn''t understand the concept of remaining friends with an ex partner: she hated all her exes. And now she hates me as well.

My take on it is this: Men and women cannot be ''just good friends'' if one of them is attracted to the other. As another poster pointed out, the on/off ex boyfriend still has feelings for the woman in question. Therefore he is (poor sap) still marking time hoping that eventually she will come to her senses and realise he is The One. The woman, by continuing her friendship with her ex, is just encouraging this situation. I dont think she''s being fair to you or her on/off ex boyfriend/friend

Hi HO.

Hacked Off wrote:

My take on it is this: Men and women cannot be ''just good friends'' if one of them is attracted to the other.

Define attracted? If you mean that they want to date them or be a part of there lives and they cant, then they should just back off. Why hold a torch for someone when its not right or they dont want anything to do with you. But on the other hand, men and women can be friends. Some of my friends are women. I dont see them as a sexual or partner material. I see them as friends 1st and people equal 1st. Women make great friends. You can say and share things with women that you cant with guys.

As another poster pointed out, the on/off ex boyfriend still has feelings for the woman in question. Therefore he is (poor sap) still marking time hoping that eventually she will come to her senses and realise he is The One.

If that is what he is doing he is a poor sap. But we dont know this for sure. We can only surmise. And this is bordering on being judgmental. And thats a bad place to go.

The woman, by continuing her friendship with her ex, is just encouraging this situation. I dont think she''s being fair to you or her on/off ex boyfriend/friend

Again you dont know this. Its easy to put people into nice square box''s and say yea they are like this or they are like that. Thing is, people dont fit into nice little box''s. We are none of us the same.

But I understand you. And I understand where your coming from. I am some 6 years on from you. And I thought like you did once. Thing is mate, you move on from the space you are in now and life begins again. Where all the old hangups that you have are gone. You wont always be like this.

In my view, we should take people as we find them. They are what they are. And its not right to judge someone or make assumptions about them as we are often surprised as they dont do what we expect them to do. But with regards as to how they react and act with us, if someone messes with us and or does something we dont like, they are gone. Simple as. Ok thats my view anyway. C.

I can understand people that are reluctant to get involved with someone that has a best friend with someone of the opposite sex. This to me 6 or so years ago would have been a big no no. But we have to take everyone we meet on there own merits. For me, the unacceptable''s are not the same as anyone else''s. For instance, I wont date anyone that has cheated on there partner or husband. But I know people that will. And dont hold that against them. I wouldn''t mind if someone I met had a good friend of the opposite sex. But thats just me. As long as there was nothing more and I met them and I was satisfied that there was no deeper connection than just friends. This person would then become my friend as well as my partners. It would have to be this way. Becuase, this is what I offer any potential mate of my mate. If you see what I mean.

Bottom line is, when you meet someone new, you should examine their lives to see if they are right for you or not. That doesn''t just include things like smoking, location, if they have kids, what ages etc. But all things. And if there is something you dont like, you have to take a judgement call if you can accept it or not. If you cant, then you should let them go. Becuase there is no point dating someone if it causes you difficulties.

If you cant act like this, then you are not ready to date. There will always be something wrong with someone. No one is perfect. But it depends what this imperfection is.

But if I was bothered about something so badly that I had to ask a forum about it, that would mean that it troubled me enough to doubt them. If that was the case, I would have to question if I should continue with this person or not.

I have had to do the above quite a few times in the past 6 years. I am still on my own so it looks like I am too fussy. But I must say, in all the times I have had to let someone go, I have been justified. I have also had this done to me as well. So its not all one sided. C.