Understanding

My husband who is stationed in Cyprus with the military has recently told me he's having an affair and has just decided he wants a divorce. Since I have found out I have tried to get him to come back and talk things through and I have even offered to go over but he won't let me. It has been going on for nearly a year and he has been living with her since September but only told me in November. I do not want my marriage to end but if he files what will happen if I don't agree to it. He has never supported us financially I have always payed the bills and the rent and recently he has been letting our daughter down by promising to come home to see her but then last minute lying to get out of it. He did not come back for Christmas as he tried to say he was on guard but when I checked (as I am in the military to) he wasn't and then he promised he'd come back at the end of this month but again told me he was on duty(again a lie as I checked). HELP as this is destroying my family

Your husband will not be able to apply for divorce on grounds of his own adultery so to get one quickly he will have to cite unreasonable behaviour - and make things up if necessary. Otherwise if you don't agree to divorce then he will have to wait five years.

You can contest the divorce but it will be expensive and in the end you can't continue a marriage (except on paper) if one party doesn't want to be married. He is already living with someone else and not coming home when he says he is going to so I think you are going to have to accept that it is over. I know this is hard and you should take your time over it but there will come a point when you will want to move on and divorce does at least get the financial side of things settled and allow people to move on in their lives.

You might like to try counselling to help you through this difficult time - Relate will see individuals or you may be able to get some through work.

Best wishes,

Sadie

Hey There. I heard this same comments from you while on vacation. Too bad this thought troubles you so much. We really do need to talk more. I want to listen and I think you need to talk more about the affect on your family. Remember he cheated onn you and you did nothing wrong! Run away from a ba situation and get him out of your life quickly. I wuld like to be there for you as a good listener

Rich