What should i do?

Hi

I am 31 and have one child who is 8 from a previous relationship.
I started a relationship with my husband in Aug 2004 and we moved into the matrimonial home in 2006. We married last April (2007) therefore our marriage is only 10 months old.
Last month my husband left and said he needed to space for a few weeks. Since then he has made no attempt to come back and this week he has told me he wants a divorce. He has also froaen our joint bank account.
Financial position; He has 3 Companies and earns in excess of £400,000 a year. He has numerous pensions and investment bonds. Before the marriage he owned two properties of which he rents out. The 1st property is worth 250,000 and has a 200,000 mortgage, the second property is valuied at 400,000 and has a mortgage of £76,000. He is also currently buting a property in Bulgaria and has paid in cash with no mortgage £200,000. I have been advised by the Bulgarian embassy that although his names are on the deeds Blugarian law states that any spouse is entitled to 50% share in the property.

I have a property in my name which is currently being rented out. It has a £100,000 mortgage and is worth £250,000.

The matrimonial home which is none of the above was purchased in Dec 2006 and was purchased at 550,000 the mortgage is 400,000 it his name on the mortgage.

My son started a private school in jan 07, as my husband said that he would pay for it. my husband is now not agreeing to in light of him wanting a divorce.

I am also employed by his company, from 2006. I do not have an employment contract. However, my husband registered me with the Inland Revenue as employed with his Company in 2006 and says that I receive a salary net of £1500 per month.

I have asked my husband to pay some money to me, as I dont work or to pay the salary set out to the Inland revenue but he refuses to.

I have seen a solicitor and they have advised I go down the collabrative route, but my husband is not in agreement to this.

I don't know what I should do. Should I still go down the collabrative route or do you think I should see a solicitor that specialises in matrimonial law and get a good lawyer?

It is him that wants this divorce, but I dont understand that I and my son should come out of this without anything, seen asd though his financial position is vast compared to mine.

I look forward to your comments

You have not been married very long, so you are not likely to get very much in a divorce.

A collaborative approach is supposed to be a win-win approach. You agree BEFORE going to the judge as to what share each of you will take. You still hire your own lawyer to handle your case. Your lawyer still acts in your best interests. You agree on whatever compromises your lawyer suggests are worth making, and press for the items your lawyer thinks you will win on.

It may not seem very fair, but after only 10 months and no children (his and yours, not yours from before), it's not likely you'll get much beyond what you brought in.

loopylou,
Sadly, I have to agree with lizzit. Your entire relationship is less than four years. Neither you nor your husband could not even petition for divorce for another 2 months.
I appreciate that there is a great deal at stake financially, but if it were to go to court, as lizzit says, you are unlikely to get anything more than you brought to the marriage, plus or minus any profit or loss int eh assets since the marriage. Given the current state of the property market, that could go either way.
Yours and your child's housing needs could be met from your existing property (albeit that it is rented out at the moment). He could show that you are capable of earning a wage, by virtue of him registering you as an employee.
Perhaps you should approach a solicitor and take advice. See what a professional thinks that you may get. The collaborative route is by far the most satisfactory, but it sounds as if your husband is not in the frame of mind for fair compromise.
It must be devastating to be told this, just ten months into your marriage. Best of luck,
Mike

Thanks to both of you for responding so quickly.
I have a few more questions which I would grately appreciate your advice on.

1. My husband is the one wanting this divorce and separation and not me. Can I petition against it. If I do, will it have any future financial benefits, or will it just draw the enevitable out longer?
2. I received a text message today from my husband saying... 'I have been advised to bring criminal charges against you for fraud.' My husband froze the JOINT bank account last week. He has always been the one to pay money into it, but until last week he never had any problem with me spending from it. Can he do this? Especially as its a joint account? I haven't been stealing from him, especially when its my bank account???
3. When will it be likely that he will ask for me to leave the former matrimonial home? Will it be months? Or will it be when the marriage is disolved?
4. How easy will it be to apply for a maintenance order? Will the court see that he has deserted us in the marriage?
5. I have other areas of which I need clarification on. One month after we married I found out that he had been posting pornographic photos of himself on a dating website and been contacting various women to have sex with. I have all the messages he sent to them and the dates, will this go in my favour?
6. August last year he was removed from the matrimonial home from the police due to breach of peace, again should I talk to my lawyer about this? id it relevant?
7. Also, (sorry) he sacked a former 10year employee by text last september and will be going to court as she is claiming £68,000 in compensation due to unfair dismisal, sexual discrimation and disability discrimination. He has mentioned in his statement that it was his wife(me) that told him to do this (which I didn't) I dont want my name used in court, so to get him out of a corner. Should I tell my lawyer this to?

Many thanks in advance

loopylou,
I am not legally trained and am simply another person going through the hell of divorce. So I will comment on your post, but am not advising you.

1. My husband is the one wanting this divorce and separation and not me. Can I petition against it. If I do, will it have any future financial benefits, or will it just draw the enevitable out longer?

You can defend the divorce, but it simply adds enormously to the costs. It then comes down to a judge asking him/herself 'Has this marriage broken down irretrievably?' In your husband's eyes, yes. It takes two to tango, but if one leaves the floor, well....See what I mean? You might do better to petition yourself, then you are in control of the process. You will need your marriage certificate to petition. You can't petition until 12 months after marriage date, but you can petition on your 1st anniversary.

2. I received a text message today from my husband saying... 'I have been advised to bring criminal charges against you for fraud.' My husband froze the JOINT bank account last week. He has always been the one to pay money into it, but until last week he never had any problem with me spending from it. Can he do this? Especially as its a joint account? I haven't been stealing from him, especially when its my bank account???

If it is a joint bank account, then one would assume that you are both entitled to draw down on the funds. There may be some unwritten agreement between you about how much and how often, so either of you would have to discredit the other for anything to come of this allegation

3. When will it be likely that he will ask for me to leave the former matrimonial home? Will it be months? Or will it be when the marriage is disolved?

You can't petition for two months. Sit tight. Even if he asks you to leave. If necessary, seek an Occupation Order against him. You will have to show that he is causing you or your child genuine distress or fear. The incident in 6. below would be a contributory factor.

4. How easy will it be to apply for a maintenance order? Will the court see that he has deserted us in the marriage?

Once you have petitioned for divorce, and have secured your Decree Nisi (halfway point) you can apply for ancillary relief (Division of assets and finances) It is better to do this through mediation, but if that is not possible, the ancillary relief route is open to you.

See the Wikivorce Step By Step guide to divorce:

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Step-By-Step-D...de/Introduction.html

5. I have other areas of which I need clarification on. One month after we married I found out that he had been posting pornographic photos of himself on a dating website and been contacting various women to have sex with. I have all the messages he sent to them and the dates, will this go in my favour?

In such a short marriage, there are only two grounds for divorce open to you - Unreasonable behaviour or Adultery.
The material you describe could be used to support a petition on the grounds of Unreasonable Behaviour, but not adultery. The evidence is not clear proof of adultery. It does not show him having sexual relations with someone of the opposite sex.

6. August last year he was removed from the matrimonial home from the police due to breach of peace, again should I talk to my lawyer about this? id it relevant?


Yes it is relevant in building a case, but UB petitions need to be based on specific behaviour in the six months up to the start of proceedings, otherwise a court sees the behaviour as having been tolerated.

7. Also, (sorry) he sacked a former 10year employee by text last september and will be going to court as she is claiming £68,000 in compensation due to unfair dismisal, sexual discrimation and disability discrimination. He has mentioned in his statement that it was his wife(me) that told him to do this (which I didn't) I dont want my name used in court, so to get him out of a corner. Should I tell my lawyer this to?

I would tell your lawyer, as it is perhaps something that can be used in UB petition

Perhaps more experienced boarders might have different views, so don't take mine as gospel.

Best of luck
Mike

MIke

That is very helpful thanks.
I think I should get myseld down to the solicitor.
All of this is so hard. Emotionally I'm wrecked as I still love him very much, but can't understand why he has done all of this.
Anyway, will have to leave it in the hands of the law and get back to my anti-depressants.
Thanks for your words
Lisa

Loopylou,

Divorce is very unpleasant. All too often, one party has made a decision, and the other party simply didn't see it coming. Like a Tom & Jerry style frying pan in the face.

Sadly, that person has to play 'catch up' in a big hurry. The emotional toll is horrible. The rug has been pulled from under your feet and you are reeling in shock. 'How could they?' 'It's not fair!'. Been there, and it is horrible.

Antidepressants are not always the answer - they take some time to kick in (2-4 weeks) and can sometimes leave you without the necessary objectivity to deal with what you have to deal with.

THere is lots of support here, whether through the discussion forum, the blogs, or even the chat room. Use it. There are a lot of lost souls that find peace here, talk to them.

It isn't easy, and you need to be strong, but there are lots of people willing to help you.

Best of luck, and take care
Mike