the usual

Hi all this is my first time on here so here goes. A bit of background. My wife is divorcing me after 17 years and we have 2 boys 9 and 14.She hasn't worked for 10 years cos the lunches and the gym get in the way! She I believe apart from being coached about divorce is or has been I think been playing away. We are still living together as the house hasn't been sold yet. I first got news of the divorce when my wife called me to say there is a lovely letter at home waiting for you! It was a divorce petition. this was back in feb 07!She wouldn't discuss this at all, she wouldn't give us a chance of councelling or anything. all she says is if you want to speak to me do it through your solicitor.
I am about to go to court in 2 weeks time to sit in front of a judge to listen whilst my life and my finances are dragged through court. To also discuss about contact with my boys. I see my boys every day, taking the eldset to school and kissing them good night when I come hoem from work.
My question is how is it that a woman can say "I want a divorce",who has never ever contributed financially to the family home, refuses to work and help out, and possibly has had an affair, gets legal aid, will probably get most of what you own/worked for and gets a home bought for her with cash from sale of the house "to put a roof over the kids heads". and finally to add insult to injury will expect to get money from me each month to increase her growing bank balance from all the freebie money from the state that she would be entitled too. I on the other hand have to pay thousands of pounds to a solicitor because she wants a divorce, will probably have to move in with a family member as I won't be able to buy anywhere on my own due no cash available. There is not enough money to buy 2 homes and I can't afford to buy her out. Also I need to pay my wife maintanance. This is the whorst bit maybe if I am lucky I get to see my boys once every 2 weeks for a day at the weekend and possibly for a few hours for a day during the week.Surely this can't be right?