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  • TEIN
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10 Jun 13 #396571 by TEIN
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Yes the pool and sauna is perhaps more relaxed, pity there isn''t one where I go.
Meet up.com keeps cropping up with me and one day soon i may get enough confidence to hopefully try it.

In fact that is something along those lines my counsellor challenged me to do today before my next visit.

  • polar
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10 Jun 13 #396572 by polar
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Whey hey..everyone out there is having a great time out there except me. Are they? Are they really? Most people are having a rough time in one way or another whether it be financial or otherwise. But as can be seen from this post even simple contact can make you friends. We forget that we were the new kid at school. The latest worker at the factory/office. The new neighbour on an estate. I am sure that we latch onto one person and from that a new circle grows.
I was that ''kid'' after my divorce. From a single contact in a bar I built up my new circle. Was that person my type or was I theirs? I doubt it. But flexibility was the key and i can assure you from that point life changed !!!

  • newleaf
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10 Jun 13 #396579 by newleaf
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Thanks Stumpylad, I''m sure I will enjoy the film, its star trek

As for the meetup; I will have to see how that goes, I''m getting more nervous the nearer it gets.

I''ve struggled with low self confidence for years, which just makes it even more difficult to meet people now. Just taking tiny steps and setting small challenges for myself over the past few months has helped build a bit of confidence. It can be something as simple as talking to at least one person during my weekly shop. Probably won''t make a friend that way but at least its talking to someone. Then it was making a point of sitting in the café at work in the most obvious spot and joining in with conversations. I''ve found my confidence has increased quite a bit now, just by doing simple things like this.

  • princesspatsy
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11 Jun 13 #396588 by princesspatsy
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Star Trek = Awesome!!!!!

I joined a few meetup groups in my area and they have been a lifesaver, the people have been open, welcoming and thoroughly supportive. I go to a cinema meetup group, a photography one and a general one. I know it depends a lot on the people you happen to meet but a lot is about who you are too, what you put in... So slap a smile on your chops, go in say hi and i can almost guarantee they will be kind, welcoming and genuine with you.

Its hard taking that first step and going to the first one, but I am so glad i did. I have bowling tomorrow evenng with one of my groups and a comedy night coming up and someone''s birthday party. Thats more of a social life than i have had in years!

  • polar
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11 Jun 13 #396612 by polar
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Break ups are always a shock to the system.
But was your social life really that great before? Given that you may have restrictions of kids which can cause minor probs with freedom the chances are that you can do much more on your own than you could as a couple.
There are many free activities in our town. There are meetup groups, ceroc. first aid groups...the list is endless.
You must start however to get confidence in yourself and take steps. It is hard. I know !! I''m 6 years down the line and life is totally different from the life I had before.
I learnt that I do not need a prop (other half) to achieve things. I have experienced things I would never have been exposed to. Some I kept up and some were not for me. I have met ''''decent'''' people all to willing to have me join their group with no conditions.
No bones about it that when the confidence is low its hard to do. Given time and effort and flexibility and sooner or later a new social group will emerge.

  • afonleas
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11 Jun 13 #396623 by afonleas
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I so agree with Polar,was our social lives so good before all of this started,I can honestly say mine was not,yes we enjoyed plenty of holidays but with working and running a home,we both overlooked the social side of our life.This I now see was wrong,you need to get out there and have social friends.Don''t get me wrong I have loads of friends but I felt that I could not impose on them socially now,when I never did before,thankfully this was not an issue,my friends are my friends,end of,they are there for me,and truthfully when I go out with them I forget the situation,and I am never felt to feel in the way.

We have to take control of our lives,and yes the little things do help,like talking to strangers in the supermarket,bus stop,bank,park etc,you maybe the only person he/she will speak to that day also,but that small interaction helps with your own confidance.A wikimeet is a good way to start off your new social circle,and believe me they are not all doom and divorce,they are full of laughs,food and booze:laugh:(well the ones I been to anyway)I have friends all over the country from this and yes my thanx to them all((()))

Local councils always have some walking groups events,okay some are determined walkers but there will also be the more leisurly ones,always an option....

We can all sit and vegetate and think "Woe is me",this will only feed our demons,yes it''s hard but we have to find the courage to do it,after all we have lost our partners,we have not lost our lives..!!!

You are doing fine Hun(proud of you)xx

Luv and cwtchs
Afon xx

  • polar
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11 Jun 13 #396628 by polar
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Dont get me wrong it can be lonely standing in a room, meet, social, barby, party by yourself. But do it !!!
One of the greatest dangers is ''''finding a replacement''''
Be happy in your own skin and do anything to make your life and home yours even if it means painting a room , throwing stuff out, changing fashion by trawling charity shops .
I would now consider 90% of my social life revolves around people I never knew 6 years ago. For example if you can team up with one other person and do pub quiz nights you would be surprised how many friends you can make. I do one quiz and the next thing is the pub is having a 3rd birthday party so once the ball is rolling it rolls.
At my usual drinking hole (coke only!!because that keeps me in full contol of my senses) I was invited to a party by someone I hardly know. And so the ball rolls. If I wanted I could be out every single night energy permitting !!
I often think we make excuses. Cant afford a holiday. Groupon deals mean I visit european capital regularly for pennies. A female friend goes on holidays..lowcost holidays ltd for less than it would cost to live at home. I know one couple who met each other in an airport check in queue!!
Get out there !!!

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