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8 months on - update

  • samz
  • samz's Avatar Posted by
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  • Elite Member
02 May 14 #432128 by samz
Topic started by samz
Just in case you don''t remember me, here''s a recap.

I first came on wiki 8 months ago because after 13 years of marriage I found out my STBX had been having an affair & I desperately needed someone to talk to. I was given a very warm welcome & positive advice by the bucket load by lots of people who understood how I felt.
Regular visits here got me through the first extremely difficult months & I don''t think I''ll ever be able to thank all those lovely & caring people who helped me through them.
There are no shared problems i.e. children or assets so our separation has been quite straightforward. At 49 years old it was my second marriage & before then I''d been living alone for 10 years.

So, how am I doing now?
Well I''m now 64 & back to living alone with just my cat for company. It took a while but I''m used to my new life now, I wouldn''t say it was better or worse, just different.
Of course there are the times when I think about & miss my old life, I wouldn''t be normal if I didn''t but that was then & this is now. I have to concentrate on my future, not my past however hard it may be.

There are always pros & cons in any situation so I decided to make a list regarding mine. In no particular order they are:

1) I''m worse off financially.
2) No intimate relationship.
3) No-one to share my day with.
4) The occasional loneliness.
5) Loss of the convenience of a car.
6) The security of being one half of a relationship.

1) Less expenditure & being in charge of my own finances.
2) My life doesn''t revolve around anyone else so I am my own person making my own decisions.
3) The freedom to do what I want, when I want & how I want.
4) Spending more time with my family.
5) Doing the stuff that I never got around to doing before.
6) Sometimes just enjoying my own company.
7) Using my bus pass more to get out & about.

Make of my list what you will, does it balance out?
As I said previously, I have a different life now which I''ve grown to be comfortable with.

My STBX will always be a thorn in my side, some days more than others but I''ve learned to live with that.
I''m not sure when I''ll be ready to start divorce proceedings against him & to be honest I''m not really looking forward to the emotional problems it will bring. He has not brought the subject up as yet so nor will I. Will I change my mind as time goes on? I don''t really know, I''ll just have to wait & see.

So there you go life does go on, take it from me :-)

P.S. In all my posts I''ve forgotten to mention one thing. I''m 64, my STBX is 12 years younger than me, his GF is a couple of years older than me. So you could say that I have the satisfaction of knowing that I wasn''t dumped for a younger model :-)

P.P.S. Sorry for the long post :-(

  • elizadoolittle
  • elizadoolittle's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
02 May 14 #432133 by elizadoolittle
Reply from elizadoolittle
Thanks. Good to hear such a balanced appraisal. And to know that you have found some peace.

  • Declan
  • Declan's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
02 May 14 #432139 by Declan
Reply from Declan
Good for you samz . Your comfortable in your own skin . And BTW you never know what''s around the corner heading your way that will enrich your life eh.


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