Do I need to change?Help on this one guys......

Thanks all for your pearls of wisdom..
Yes Eliza,someone has hurt me,someone I never thought would,Hah you live and learn...
The pm''s and text..
That''s exactly my point...
I am truly Blessed with you guys;) Xxx

They say you learn something everyday,it seems that is true,and yes Killbill,I don''t need to take crap from anyone..

Do I need to change and become someone alien?
No..simple..I only need people in my life who respect me for the person I am,and those that don''t?
Well they as someone just told me Don''t deserve a place in my life anyway....

Thanks you guys
Your all awesome
Luv and cwtchs
Afon Xxxxx

I keep re-reading this thread. Shall I say something? No leave it. Then I come back again. And I go round and round. So if you are seeing this. I decided to hit post. Otherwise, I hit cancel. And you will never know.. Bummer

Anyway. This is my theory FWIW. And its based on stuff that I read and worked out about myself. YMMV.

What are you? Know that what you are will probably never change much. If you are the caring sort, you will stop and pick up a drunk. Or give money to someone with a dog and a hat sat on the side of the road begging. Thats you. And what happens is say the ex is ill? You will fret over it cos you know him. Or knew him once.

Where am I going with all this? I am trying to say that you cant change what you fundamentally are. But what you can do is apply knowledge.

Take a falling iron off an ironing board. A hot iron. You tend to do this just the once and catch it. After that. If it happens again, you let it fall. Cos you learned that the first time you caught it. You got burned. The same applies to certain types of people. Say you went out with a Geezer. They are a bit dodgy but loads of fun. But this Geezer that you dated. He cheated on you. So you dont pick Geezers again. Like the falling iron thing. You got burned. So this is what knowledge does for you. It teaches you to not touch things that will burn you. So there is no need to worry. No matter what kind of person you are. Knowledge will guide you and make you right sister. But you have to learn the lessons. Otherwise, its a big old fat waste of time and heartache. Marshy.

C,
I can always rely on your wisdom,it gives me clarity.

No,I cannot and will not change,I am who I was meant to be.I am unique,a one off,just like everyone else is,and I make no apologies that I get hurt,even though I have had to harden up,I still get hurt..

The falling iron?
yeah,don''t be so damn stupid as to allow yourself to get burnt;)but sometimes you miss the iron falling:dry:

Cwtchs
AfonXxx

Afon I have written a long heart of my sleeve reply - that I have then lost somehow.

Here is the edited version. My other one was much better but I am not sure I can repeat it.

Anyway - watch or rewatch Brene Brown

www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability#

I''ll be in touch soon.

sf

Dearest Afon

Please don''t change. Your kindness, caring and wisdom are a gift that you share with us and we are all the richer for it.

I am so sorry that you have been hurt, you of all people don''t deserve that. All I can say is that the person who did it will be by far the poorer for losing their place in your life.

There''s more I want to say, please see my PM.

Olive xxx

Afon I just read your post and thought I could have written it myself! It really struck a chord.

Like yourself, I''ve always treated people with the utmost respect, courtesy and good manners. I don''t undermine or belittle people or openly criticise anyone unnecessarily. I''m a cheerful, positive person but it seems there is always someone who wants to burst your bubble.

It sounds like nothing, but just the other day I got in my car, sang all the way to work, greeted everyone I saw with a cheery smile and was feeling generally happy and bubbly, like I do most days. Within minutes my mood changed because a colleague took it upon herself to interfere with something I was doing and made a disparaging remark for absolutely no reason. I allowed it to happen. I couldn''t think of a reply as I was gobsmacked, and it ruined my day, so like yourself I started to think that I''m way too nice and that maybe I need to change.

I just thought to myself '' I would never dream of doing or saying what she just did to me''. People seem to think that they can belittle me - drop in a sly comment or interfere and I will just take it.

Well for years I have. The ex had a tendency to undermine me and often rolled his eyes in a really mocking way.....and his MOTHER....Jeez I could write a book about the condescending, interfering and utterly tactless things she used to say to me.

I am starting to change. I tackled the ex mum in law recently when she tried to interfere. It was tough. It''s not in my nature. I''m a people-pleaser and never want to offend anyone but I absolutely HAD TO tell her not to interfere, and of course she cried and tried to make me feel bad but it was her problem not mine.

I guess what I''m trying to say is that I relate to what you''re saying. You are clearly a caring person and someone has upset you but you do not need to change the person that you essentially are, but maybe, like myself just become a tougher version of the person you are and don''t take any crap! Easier said than done, but I''m certainly gonna try!!

afonleas wrote:

The falling iron?
yeah,don''t be so damn stupid as to allow yourself to get burnt;)but sometimes you miss the iron falling:dry:

Cwtchs
AfonXxx

Hi Afon. Amy Winehouse wrote "Love is a loosing game" and if you dont want any hurt at all in life.... Dont play that game. And if you want to play the game, hurt is a part of it. You have to be tough and wise enough to know that. And saying all this.... If someone knows love, then they know pain. Love and pain are bedfellows.

And your right. Never change. You are what you are. But dont suffer fools and dont accept sh!t from anyone. Toughen up sister. If someone wants to be with you. They have to earn that place on the team. Remember... You are something and someone of value. Marshy.