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Trying to look ahead.

  • ExiledDad
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06 Oct 14 #446133 by ExiledDad
Topic started by ExiledDad
Pleasantly, and I hope not presumptively, as it is still very early days for me, I find myself with a tiny amount of what I''ll call '' spare emotional capacity''.
In amongst the rampant emotions, most of them fairly negative, I am having the occasional moment of hope. Of looking to a less bleak future. OK, so a couple of beers and the unequivocal support of immediate family and some close friends helps a bit here!

Today I placed some pictures on what I''ll call my inspiration wall. Some simple things that I hope to have around me in my new life. Some of these things were denied me by my former wife, all are achievable.
My hope is that this is a small step on a long road to a new, unexpected future.

Best of luck and good wishes to all those wiki types trying to rebuild their lives.


  • AngieP
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06 Oct 14 #446137 by AngieP
Reply from AngieP
Love the idea of the inspiration wall. You are right - it is a long road, with many unexpected turns and discoveries along the way. Like many others I have no idea of how I am going to end up as my whole life has been turned upside down, but again you are right, it is surprising what is achievable when our backs are against the wall (unintentional). It is good that you can see some hope ED when it is such early days for you.

I''ll second the toast to all us Wikis who are trying to rebuild our lives.

  • littlegreen
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06 Oct 14 #446141 by littlegreen
Reply from littlegreen

I''m taking bits from several threads currently running at the moment, this one included. I read your post and saw the word HOPE and I got a rush of joy run through me. The rush was for you, for me and for anyone else out there who is beginning to feel that life is going to be or already is good in parts.

Your words are few, but inspirational, thank you.

LG xXx

  • ExiledDad
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13 Oct 14 #446689 by ExiledDad
Reply from ExiledDad
Today, having before the weekend received a submission from her solicitors, I have (finally) made an appointment with a local solicitor.

After some months I feel that I now have the strength to cope with what has to follow.
A small, yet somehow big, step for me.
S*#* just got real.

  • bab
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14 Oct 14 #446813 by bab
Reply from bab
Any chance you can talk to your stbx without involving solicitors? mediation?
Shouldn''t need to waste money on solicitors and the money is better spent on your children.
Be careful not to say or write anything nasty to her. Anything you say or write can be used against you in court.

I think there are only 2 things to discuss.

1. Children
- If you have been working away from home a lot and not seeing your children daily, it''s really not that bad just to accept the "standard" every other weekend contact arrangement for dads. You can have half of the holidays and half-terms as well.
- Exact 50/50 childcare arrangement may not help you to find good work and rebuild your finance after divorce.

2. Money
- If your stbx wife had been a pretty much full time mother, it''s almost a foregone conclusion that she will need a roof over her head with the children.
- Yep. She will get more than 50% of assets as she doesn''t have the same capacity to earn as much as you can.
- Try your best to do a Clean Break financially. It will be more like giving her 70% of the assets. It stops her from taking you to court in the future.

It''s really about not wasting money on legal fees and keep the money for yourselves and kids.

  • dukey
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14 Oct 14 #446818 by dukey
Reply from dukey
The op is not under English/Welsh jurisdiction, according to flag anyway, answer with care, a great deal of care.

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