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  • Donut99
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17 Jun 18 #502315 by Donut99
Topic started by Donut99
I am enjoying reminding myself of the old me (things I liked doing, were good at) and creating a new me.

We have both moved on. He got a new girlfriend very quickly when we separated. It took 2 and a half years before everything went through. I've only really begun to focus on myself in the last year.

As things continue to settle and l get less ranty angry emails/texts from him. They still come out of the blue periodically and annoy me. I no longer respond or give very minimal answers.

Hes always been very paranoid. I feel like he is periodically reminding me of his perceived position ie what his legal obligation is around child maintenance. Although incorrect and pretty rubbish in amount, I have given up rationalising or explaining why its flawed. Although helpful, I couldn't give a toss and would have just walked away. Ironically, I didn't even ask him for any contribution, he insisted but now uses it against me. Everything that we talked about in mediation went in one ear and out the other. He has continued to hold onto his belief and feels very much like a wronged party where I am out to screw him. In reality I have neither the time nor inclination nor energy and just want to be independent.

It feels still like a power, control thing. How long does it take people to get over it and move on? I just want a quiet life and to move on.

  • Under60
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17 Jun 18 #502319 by Under60
Reply from Under60
Wow, how similar!
I was married to someone who turned psycho. Having done lots of research I have now concluded it was a narcissist.
I had exactly the same...in one ear out the other, not understanding anything, thinking only their warped view of how you treat people/your wife and family was right.
I too left 2.5 years ago.
After being bombarded initially, things eased off. Then came major stalking and I called the police, who reassured me that if I was to phone they would be here in seconds as my address would be marked as suffering stalking from a nut job.
Since he got a new girlfriend/horse (Good luck to her) things improved.
I still got vile texts etc and it even got the new woman to report me to social services for starving my children! SS phoned the school up first, who fell about laughing and told them it was a malicious call.
I concluded she is as evil as him, or maybe he put her up to it?
I have recently received my absolute and settlement. In my mind now it is dead, does not exist, never did. I have removed all memories both physical (Photos etc) and in my mind.
I am not looking for a replacement partner, I am being me again, someone free to speak their mind and do what they want without the “That might set him off” thoughts.
It is fantastic being free, the clouds lifted, the chains removed.
You will get there. :)

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