Do you whistle as you work, do you jump out of bed in the morning and know that you’re doing something you love. Do you have old dreams of who/what you'd like to have been?
In the aftermath of the separation, when the legalities have been formalised, you realise that you are now in the place that you've either been fighting for, or against, or maybe someplace in between. It doesn't matter which it is as you are in it nevertheless. Harsh words maybe, but it's the truth.
The stark reality comes as quite a shock to many. The joint dreams or hopes which once were held have disappeared like the cherry blossom in a May storm. Like a cherry tree however, the dreams and the blossom are only transient and the tree continues to flourish and you are still very much alive and able to dream again – doesn't the blossom come out the following year?
Unlike the cherry tree however you have a choice as to what you now want to do with your life. Minute by minute we make choices which determine our future. The wise person takes time to reflect on each area of their life after such an all encompassing change.
I've had clients who have never worked and now need to, ones who have worked 17 hour days and suddenly realise that they don't have a life, others who went to work to bring home money to pay for bills but had no heart in the job they did. I've worked with people who have used the opportunity to study, to follow a career they once wanted and gave up, others who have relocated with the same company.
There are so many ways to now look a bit deeper at what you do and the reason for it. My ex took voluntary redundancy and started to do something which he'd been longing to do for years. I re-trained to help others and in the process have found that the thing which gives me huge fulfilment is now my ‘job' – it doesn't feel like a job when I do what I love to do.
It might be that you have been working all the hours that god sends and can no longer do it for one reason or another. You might be ‘forced' to look at alternative ways of working, you might have to have that conversation with your boss which you've been putting off for years . You might want to start a business from home so you can be more hands-on with the children.
Whatever the reason for the changes which are happening, one thing is certain, you are now in a place to make a choice on your own. It's amazing how much we put off because of self imposed restrictions –
- I can't do that because s/he'd be angry, upset, disappointed, won't let me.
- I can't do that because of the children.
- I'm stuck where I am because I have a mortgage/child maintenance/whatever
- I'm too scared
- I don't know how to run a business
Clearly there are parameters within which we all have to function, everyone's being different, and with a bit of understanding it might be that you are imagining yourself to be more held back than you really are. It is often scarier to realise that you are free to make choices than to blame your circumstances for your situation.
The bottom line is though, that whatever you decide is right for you, you wake up and recognise it as a conscious choice you have made. The above examples could then turn round to read –
- I am choosing to stay where I am, doing what I do, because I want to
- I am choosing to think of the children
- I am choosing to pay the mortgage/child maintenance/whatever
- I'm choosing certainty
- I'm choosing to look into running a business before I make a further decision
The reason for making the conscious choice is simple, when you make a choice you have no-one else to blame but yourself!
Remembering that you have come through a huge change in your life, one which presumably you didn't particularly want years previously when you got together with your partner, just goes to prove that you are capable of so much. Not everyone likes change and disorder, many like things to be certain at all times – that's great as long as it's bringing you peace, happiness and personal fulfilment. Is it?