My wife and I are getting divorced and I’m moving out. What’s the best way to talk to our children, aged 11 and 7, about what’s happening and the future?” This is an important time in everyone’s life as everything is about to change and your children need you to have clarity, direction and confidence in the things that you say to them at this crucial time.
Annie is just 24 months old, she is doing well and has started to attend nursery for the first time. This new world, which she skips into every Friday morning, is widening her experience and challenging her internalised world. From her mother and her father, to the wider world of other children and other adults, Annie is coping with the change and skipping over the transition bridge on a regular basis.
Jack is a sensitive book to inspire and support children through the difficulty of parent separation and divorce. Jack is really quite sad and alone is his bedroom considering the situation between his mummy and daddy. He like many children in a break up situation feels that it might be his fault. Jack speaks of his worries to his loyal friend, “Black Cat” who is able in his magical way to talk Jack through his concerns and worries and provide him with some practical advice on how to make life a little easier, all of which make Jack feel more confident and reassured.
When families split up, initially it can be an overlooked or at least daunting task to envisage what would happen regarding seeing your kids for all the different events that may happen over a year. Initially you might get an agreement between the two of you for alternate weekends, if other things are more pressing, that may be all that is agreed on, in the beginning.
It wont take you long to start thinking about other times and maybe top of the list for most is going to be xmas, but even if you take birthdays, bonfire night grandmas birthday plus all the others, it may becomes evident that one parent is going to want the lions share.
Love it or loathe it, Christmas is just around the corner and, for many divorced or separated families, that means added stress and emotional anxiety. For some separated families, it will be possible for the children to spend time with both of their parents. But this can cause tensions that risk spilling over into the festivities. Other parents may not have the chance to see their children over the holiday period bringing both sorrow and isolation.
Shared parenting is the term usually given to a post-separation or divorce arrangement in which children will spend their time more or less evenly with both parents. Generally this will mean the child spending this time at each parent’s home, but in one arrangement, known as ‘birds nest custody’ the children remain in one home and the parents alternate.
It’s really stressful facing your first Christmas alone. Perhaps, you like me, are finding that you have had 20 years of family Christmases with tinsel and turkey, kids unwrapping their pressies in pyjamas with the Carols singing out on the stereo, the log fire blazing and a full house brimming with family.
Parenting after separation can be a daunting prospect, whether you are facing parenting entirely on your own, or alternating with the other parent. You may be worried about loneliness, financial worries, social isolation, making decisions on your own about your children’s welfare, what happens if a child is seriously ill, trying to juggle work, children and running the house on your own, what happens if you’re ill or late home from work, for example.