The first in a regular series taking a lighter hearted look at the sexes. This week: The joys of being newly single.
The toilet seat issue is no longer one and you never again find the new toilet roll balanced on top of the holder;
You can be a starfish and take up the whole bed and go to bed (or get up) as late or early as you like;
When you come home the flat is just as you left it;
You can talk on the phone / be on the internet / watch whatever you want on TV / listen to what you want without getting 'that' look.
You don't miss the snoring, nooooo, not one bit!
You can eat the whole damn box of chocs without someone taking your favourite
You can leave the ironing board up for days
You can not only get your hands on the remote control but you can also cancel the sky sports subscription and not have to put up with the TV channels being constantly flicked over and over;
You can spend as much time as you want getting ready to go out and come home really late without being asked where you have been.
Your friends can drop in at any time without being made to feel they are in the way.
You no longer have to pick up dirty, smelly underwear off the floor, because he can't manage to put it in the washing bin.
You can go girly shopping and spend however much money you like without having to tell those little white lies about the price of those new shoes
You find cleaning the car once every 6 months perfectly acceptable.
You do not find empty milk bottles IN the fridge anymore.
You can have as many pairs of shoes as you like.
The toilet seat can stay up as long as it wants.
You can have more than one beer without the other beer getting jealous.
You don’t have to explain why you’re wearing "that" shirt with "those" pants.
You could actually tell the bartender, "If anyone calls, I'm here".
The remote control is never lost and can be flicked at will
If you want to go for pizza at 3am, no one stops you or asks you why.
You are the master of the thermostat.
You don’t have a driving instructor grading you every time you go somewhere.
You can drink what you want, where you want, and as much as you want.
You don’t get nagged to put your pants in the wash basket while they are still actually round your ankles.
You can watch as much sport as you want without “the look”.
You no longer get handed a TO DO lists of inane imaginary jobs at the start of each weekend.
You don’t have to answer stupid questions like does my bum look big in this.
You can have a nap without getting told to wake up.
Bachelors don't have Mother-in-laws.