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Divorce and Don't Know Land

Divorce and Don't Know Land
Written by
Jackie Walker

The worst thing about change is not knowing what the outcome is going to be, not knowing which decision is going to work best, not knowing if you are right or wrong.  Getting used to being in the state of trusting that everything will turn out just as it should takes some practice ... are you willing?

There are times in life when it feels like we're entering into an Alice in Wonderland scene - we haven't got a clue what's going on around us, everything seems to be topsy turvy, everything has taken on a new meaning and nothing looks like it should - does that strike a chord or maybe you can close your eyes and just picture what I'm saying and how it is relevant in your own life.

It's a very unsettling and generally uncomfortable place to be, we're used to 1 + 1 making 2 and suddenly even the maths don't add up.  Whatever you believe or think, there's a counter argument and case for it.  It pushes you to go along new paths which you just might not have wanted to.

This weekend the sun shone - at last, I might add. My dog, Miga - she's a blonde 10 year old labrador, and I went for a walk on Saturday - we made it a long walk as I was trying to save petrol and needed to get some things from the shops. Having made it to the shops I was disheartened to find that they didn't have what I needed. Rather than dwelling on my disappointment at not being able to make what I'd planned for dinner, Miga and I set off back along our tracks for home. Only I decided that I could take the opportunity to go home a different way - one I'd never seen before.

At the bottom of the steps, there was a doorway (no door) to a path running alongside the river and it looked so inviting and it looked like it was headed in the right direction - after 10 minutes, the path stopped abruptly. We had no choice but to retrace our steps back to the door, and when nearly there, I found another path, slightly higher up the hill and so we took that one - it ran in parallel to the first one, and was well laid out, with edges - wey hey, this is going the right way and we continued walking. We came across a huge tree which had fallen over the path and there was nothing for it but to clamber up on top - I used the ivy like a stirrup and swung my leg over like mounting a horse - and on we wandered. A bit further along, there was another huge tree and once again we had to negotiate our way up and over.  Just a few steps later and I was amazed, the path stopped - just stopped. Now I could think that it went nowhere, but it did go somewhere it just didn't go to where I expected it to!  And it also didn't go to somewhere I thought was particularly useful.  Long and short - we had to retrace our steps again, although half way along the return journey I found another path with steps which took me up and out and onto the main road.

Everything you do and everywhere you go adds to your knowledge, it helps you make the next decision.  If you are in don't know land, it's ok to start exploring your options, it's ok to follow things and find they are a dead end, it's ok to retrace your steps.  If you only stick to the way you know, you'll never find out how many other ways there are, nor get to do things just because.

Sometimes practising this is a bit of a challenge - so set yourself a goal to go for a walk, not knowing where you're going when you set out.  Only when you reach each turning or crossroads or dead end, make a decision as to whether to continue straight on, turn left, right or retrace. Practising not having a known outcome can be very liberating and gives you an enormous sense of trust, exploration and achievement as the newness of what you're doing seeps in and allows you to relax into not needing to know everything when you think you do.

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