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Mr Angry and Miss Fear

Mr Angry and Miss Fear
Written by
Jackie Walker

Letting go of anger and fear ... but do you know which? D'you know that one of the most challenging aspects of my work is getting women to admit that they're angry and men to admit that they're scared.

It seems to be that anger isn't seemly in women and is kind of drummed out of them at a very young age. Men are meant to be able to cope with everything and aren't afraid of anything. What a load of twaddle, don't you think? Girls, think of when you say you're sad or hurt - how much of that is actually anger that you are mis-naming? Guys when you get angry is it really that you're afraid of something?

These emotions are so important to identify. They are there for different reasons. Anger points out to you that you aren't being loved enough - either by yourself or someone else. You can easily replace love with other words such as respect or support if the 'love' word is a bit too out there at the moment - I remember it was for me! There is no point in using anger to sort out your fears - it is much more useful to get in touch and admit to being afraid and know what it is you are really scared might happen.

If you keep anger and lose fear it's a dangerous combination. The first thing to go therefore has to be anger. And if you think you aren't angry just look for other words - frustrated, annoyed, pi**ed off, cross etc. If you think they're not afraid then just see what it is that's driving them - usually a fear of lack of something - love, rejection, acceptance, having enough, money, kids

Try adding some words into these template sentences:

  • I get so angry when s/he does that because it makes me feel (fill in with your words) and that means that I am (fill in with your words)

  • I am scared when s/he does that because it makes me feel (fill in with your own words) and that means that I am (fill in with your words)

Note: I've worked with Royal Marines and adventure explorers, guys who are the strongest, bravest and most courageous people ... and each and every time we've got into the anger, it's been a fear.

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