The maelstrom of the festive season often takes its toll on otherwise happy couples. Happy is one of those words which we use to mean a whole heap of other emotions, the opposite .... unhappy is used the same way.
What does happy actually mean to you – how do you know if you’re happy? What does it give you, what do you want from being happy? If you think you’re unhappy, what will make you happy?
Relationships are constantly changing and moving – they swing in extremes for some, for others the movements are smaller and can be even more noticeable. Have you ever stood on a wobble board – you know those things that are good for your balance? Have you ever tried it on one leg with your eyes shut?
I remember back in the early 90’s when I’d had a major knee operation – replacing 3 ligaments after a skiing accident and going to physiotherapy each day for 3 hours. One of the advanced exercises after a couple of months was the wobble board.
It was a torturous experience; daily physio – even thinking about the squats exercise brings my quads out in pain as I sit here typing. Having my knee bent for me as I lay on my stomach and the physio tied a rope round my ankle to pull with her full body weight – aaagghh you don’t want to go there, trust me!
Not wanting to go somewhere and knowing that I had to, felt like punishment for a crime I didn’t commit. I did however do something which got me to where I was and I learned to take full responsibility for my actions. Very often we blame others for getting us into a mess. We forget that further back down the line we had a choice, a decision was made which brought us to where we are now. The decision you made back then, whenever that was, has resulted in you being where you are now.
Even if you aren’t aware of making that decision, you are still responsible for not making a different one. All roads lead to Rome .... you were responsible for you. And, moreover you still are. In relationships when the proverbial hits the fan for one, they often act out and place the blame on the other. The festive season, with the demands of family, money, jollity, space, time together, dark days and long nights, tests even the strongest relationship.
If, over the last few weeks, you’ve had a wobble, an upset or a realisation that all is not rosy in the relationship garden – it gives you the most fantastic opportunity to pull the weeds out. What are the weeds in your relationship? Constructive conversation, helpful non accusatory fact finding, a bit of give and take, and a willingness to listen to one another all help us to recognise what is just a weed which needs pulled out and lets you see how far it has spread.
As you start to dismantle the Christmas tree and pack away the decorations, take some time and do it slowly, looking at each bauble, recognising the love with which you bought it – knowing how wonderful your tree would look. As you take the cards down, remember the love which has been shown to you by all the people who have taken the time to remember you.
Like physiotherapy, sometimes we need pain to get better. ‘No pain, no gain’ she used to holler down the room as the tears rolled down our faces. Man, we hated her, but every morning for weeks and months we’d turn up as we saw the results – we were walking without sticks, we could do 5 or 10 minute squats with ease. It wasn’t only our legs which were getting better, we were fitter and more active than we could remember since the various accidents had brought us together.
Managing the wobble board on my injured leg with my eyes shut was such a joyful moment. I was tuned into the slightest movements, my muscles contracted in just the right way at the right time to keep me level and on top of my situation. What relationship physiotherapy do you need to make sure that you can quickly and easily make the adjustments at an early stage and get the results you want?