Magazine - Relationships

The worst thing about change is not knowing what the outcome is going to be, not knowing which decision is going to work best, not knowing if you are right or wrong.  Getting used to being in the state of trusting that everything will turn out just as it should takes some practice ... are you willing?

Think of a time when you were first dating someone you eventually went on to spend some life path time with. Ahhh, remember the heady days of the romantic stage, fondly known as the honeymoon period. He/she could do no wrong, you noticed every little detail about the way they walked, talked and dressed and you positively brimmed over with pride and lust and maybe a sprinkling of early love! Your body was feeding you with love hormones and everything was just rosy in nest heaven.

Its almost five years since I decided to divorce my husband. I distinctly remember the last Christmas we spent together. I was deeply unhappy and in my heart I knew that I no longer wanted to be in this marriage, but in my head i hadn't made that decision. It felt overwhelming to even think about it as a real possibility.

"I promise to keep an open mind and an adventurous spirit." These were the opening words in the journal I kept the year I was going through divorce. I made this promise to myself on the 11th March 2005 just fourteen days after I had moved out of my marital home.

This afternoon I spoke to a lady whose partner is need of help – the warm, generous, fun guy gets lost in a haze of alcohol, self destruction and denial. She wanted to know what she could do to get him to ask for help. Her partner is ex Forces and I suspect he probably has PTSD. My question to her was this – ‘What if he never accepts he needs help, what will you do?’

I was inspired today after my hot yoga class, to write about how people really get stuck in to the drama of their emotions. I watched people as they literally fought with their bodies throughout the class, one to deal with the extreme temperatures which were well over 80 degrees and two, to force their bodies into postures that "dear old bod" was not ready for.

Whether you’ve been through it or facing it, breakup and divorce is going to be one of the biggest decisions you make in your life. You may wonder if breaking up is the best thing and agonise over the indecision. 

Divorce Recovery Workshop is a nationwide registered Charity and a non-profit organisation, it is a series of 6 sessions; aimed at helping people come to terms with the break up of a relationship. They don’t have to have been ‘married’, people can also have been living together, and even people with same sex partners.

The 8 Most Important Considerations When You Consider Divorce by Breakup Angels' expert Kirsten Gronning, in collaboration with family lawyer Deborah Levy. When I divorced seven years ago I had to bite the bullet. By this time it had already taken me three years and three attempts at serving the divorce petition (and retracting it twice) before I got to the stage when I absolutely knew I had to go ahead.

So if it’s not bad enough that you’re separated or divorced, but now it’s that time of year when you’re reminded at every turn - love is in the air - it’s Valentine’s Day! Well if you’re feeling less than enthusiastic about the 14th February this year, take heart (excuse the pun) and read on for some top tips to surviving the day.

Gina Hardy is our new feature writer on relationships. This month she looks at the question of whether to stay or go...

As another ‘celebrity’ marriage bites the dust the couple involved insist that they remain, ‘very close and the greatest of friends’.  I sincerely hope this to be true, divorce can be a brutal process that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.  And if from the wreckage of broken promises and dreams a genuine friendship can be salvaged then that is to be respected, applauded even.