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Stuck? What’s keeping you there?

Stuck? What’s keeping you there?
Written by
Kirsten Gronning

Whether you’ve been through it or facing it, breakup and divorce is going to be one of the biggest decisions you make in your life. You may wonder if breaking up is the best thing and agonise over the indecision. 

If you are going through it, it’s likely you’ll be overwhelmed with questions, doubt and anxiety. For those readers who are post breakup or divorce, a new set of questions crop up around whether you’ll be on your own forever or even whether you will ever trust or even understand the opposite sex again.

If you’re facing breakup, then our message to you is that divorce is never an easy option. Before you call the lawyers, have you really thought about what the implications are? Have you actually asked yourself “Why am I even considering this?”

But don’t shoot me if this presses your buttons, I’m just the messenger here. The best news is that many people do, of course, get through separation and divorce and go on to thrive. When they have been deeply unhappy for a long time, it can only improve eventually, especially if they are also able to understand the changes they can put in place to do things differently. How much better if they can also learn from it and understand the common problems that come between two people: what goes wrong and how to fix it and how to move from putting up with something, to recognising and expressing their needs and wants?

Dare you imagine your perfect relationship?

If your relationship is at crisis point, do you know that the difference between making up and breaking up within a relationship takes only a few steps and some minor changes to the way you act or respond to situations and people? Again, if this pushes your buttons, ask yourself how many of these questions resonate with you:

  • Do you find yourself responsible for everything in your relationships?

  • Do you lack control in your relationships?

  • Do you need to explore options to bring more equality to your relationships?

  • Do you find the same thing happens every time you meet someone?

Most relationships break up due to misunderstanding and lack of communication between the parties. How different would it be if you were able to ask for what it is you want and need in your relationship? What if you were to:

  • Know what you want and the reason you want it?

  • Know how to ask for it?

  • Gain personal confidence?

  • Stop giving in just to keep the peace?

  • Stop feeling guilty or afraid?

  • Gain strategies and tools to use when you’re facing a confrontation and turn it around to be a win/win?

Why do relationships go wrong time and time again?

Unfortunately for most people, unless they deal with the stuff that has brought them to the point of breakup or divorce in the first place, they will only take the problems into their next relationship. At Breakup Angels we try and stop the spin cycle of broken relationships and assist people with one of the biggest decisions in their lives. For those facing breakup, we help people see that makeup might be possible. Breakup Angels co-partner Jackie Walker says: “There are lots of things for people to try or consider before they run for the lawyer. People need to remember too that a lawyer has a job to do and that job is to build a case, not to counsel. My advice to anyone thinking of divorce is to work out what has actually caused the situation.

Generally speaking, it tends to be a lack of communication and people are not sure what is driving them to opt for a divorce. There might be other problems which have put stress on a marriage, such as money worries, children leaving home, affairs or work stress but people still need to find out what it is they are trying to achieve through divorce. That way they might be able to achieve the same ends without going down the divorce path. Quite often people are actually really lonely within a marriage; in fact people can be lonelier in a marriage than they are when they are single.

It might sound old-fashioned but people should also take a look at how much time they spend together, what interests they share and what it is it they used to do together that gave them a spark. Many times people just feel stuck, but then not many people ever take the time to look at what has brought them to that point. Gaining a level of understanding of what has created the scenario can save a marriage or, if the worst does come to the worst, having that understanding can make a divorce much more amicable.”

What’s stopping you from grabbing the bull by the horns?

Nothing really beats grabbing the bull by the horns and doing something positive if you want to crack this and put your relationships onto a better footing. Wherever you live, whatever your situation, you can make a start by putting one or more of the following events in your diary:

  • Men are from Marylebone, Women are from Waterloo – fun, live event on Tuesday 16 February 6.30 – 8.30 pm in London N1. A FREE event courtesy of our sponsors Harmony House of Pershore, Worcs, but book your place here now as spaces are limited.

  • Why do Relationships go wrong Time after Time again? Teleclass (dial in via a landline or the web) to be delivered one evening in late February by Breakup Angels founders Kirsten Gronning and Jackie Walker. Subscribe to our newsletter here so you don’t miss this exclusive FREE event to Breakup Angels subscribers.

  • Breaking up in hard Times live Workshop with breakup experts including a family lawyer, family mediator and financial consultant in London NW1. Cost: £57.00 per person with the Early Bird discount for the first 10 places, more details here but don’t delay, as Early Bird places are limited.

  • Exploring the most common Causes of Relationship Breakdown - three day residential course at Chateau Bel Air, Midi Pyrenees, France with Jackie Walker. Dates to suit your diary: £495/person full board. More details here.

Finally, Back by popular demand in March – Neil Denny presents his live event ‘Conversational Riffs’ - how to keep communicating through even the most entrenched conflict situations which will not only resolve differences but enable you to strengthen relationships with family, colleagues and friends at the very moment when most at risk. This is still a FREE event - courtesy of our sponsors Mogers family solicitors of Bath - but book your place now as spaces are limited and going fast!

At each event you will learn something different, but every event is primarily designed to help you to gain a better understanding about how to overcome the common problems that come between two people in a relationship; eg:

  • the low down on what goes wrong;

  • how to fix it;

  • how to move from putting up with something to recognising and expressing your needs and wants.

Whether it is a workshop, an evening event or tele-class with tips and actions you can take and use immediately; tools and strategies; humour (and not forgetting some fun) our events will allow you to move forward, having found some answers to the blocks in your situation. We are also very approachable, down-to-earth and sometimes use our own ‘stories’ to illustrate that whilst this relationship business is hard, it’s also best approached with a light touch. But we have a laugh at ourselves, never at you.

Who are our events for? We look forward to welcoming you if you come on your own, with a friend, or as a couple. It doesn’t matter if you are Single, Married, Divorced, Living Together - and you certainly won’t need to share your ‘story.’

When are they? Check out the links above for Breakup Angels events that will change your relationships. Or subscribe to our newsletters here.

How much are they? Some are FREE (the ‘Men are from Marylebone, Women are from Waterloo’ and ’Conversational Riffs’ live events in London as well as the ‘Why do Relationships go wrong time after time again?’ Tele-class) to £57.00 per person for the Breaking up in hard Times live workshop (with the Early Bird discount) to £495 for a 3 day course in France.

We look forward to seeing you at a live event or tele-class soon.

Copyright notice

© Copyright Kirsten Gronning 2010. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this publication may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic including photocopying and recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the author. Such requests should be addressed to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Legal notice

Whilst all attempts have been made to verify the information provided in this publication, the author assumes no responsibility of error, omissions or contrary interpretation of the subject matter herein. Any perceived slights of specific people or organisations are unintentional.

Exclusion of liability and disclaimer

This information is forwarded on the understanding that the author is not engaged in tendering legal or financial advice. If legal advice is required the services of a solicitor should be sought. If financial advice is required the services of an independent financial adviser should be sought. The purchaser or user of this material assumes responsibility for the use of the information herein.

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