It is widely accepted that Divorce is one of the biggest challenges in your life and threatens your wellbeing, health, finances, other relationships, work environment and your career prospects. This article aims to point out how talking therapy in its various forms can help the “Divorce” journey run more smoothly.
No one generally sets out to fail and the ‘D’ word comes with plenty of stigma = failure. In my experience, having helped people for 21 + years at my office, 1 Harley Street. The earlier you accept you are in a divorce situation, the sooner you get help from an experienced therapist, the quicker you can heal from the experience both during and post divorce.
The cumulative effects of divorce can be a feeling of low self esteem. Experiencing a severe lack of sleep. A division of wealth leads to a lack of financial opportunities. All of these factors can bring on ill health physical – emotional, low self motivation -fewer life choices and can lead to a deterioration of relationships with your children.
Those affected by divorce are so overwhelmed by the situation that they frequently neglect their physical health and emotional mental wellbeing by turning to drugs alcohol, sex, gambling and other unhealthy distractions in an attempt to find solace and a place to hide from their responsibilities.
The resulting social stigma, sense of failure, shame of the situation can be so overwhelming when confronting the effects, that individuals can withdraw into themselves. They then cannot calibrate the situation, as their minds cannot see a way out of the situation.
You stand a better chance, having worked on yourself and mind set – body when you have controlled unhealthy habits. The more resilient and independent you become the more you have to offer a potential partner in the future. I advocate that you find a qualified and experienced therapist to assist you, to treat – deal with the cause, not the effect of your personal issues. Take personal responsibility as soon as possible. As they say a problem shared is a problem solved.
Your mindset needs to be at its sharpest at the earliest opportunity. Like preparing for a race, or an exam. Those who have the clearest head and do their preparations, are the ones that fair best, post the divorce process and have a better chance of not having history repeat itself again.
A good therapist will listen to detailed history without judgement, and help you look at the big picture. So you can navigate through all of the negative harmful scenarios mentioned above. They will then provide you with the appropriate techniques and choices for your particular issues. You will then be in a position to plan your resources accordingly.
Together with the therapist you will calibrate and review a series of positive solutions and present to the other parties involved constructive outcomes that could work for all involved. By utilising forms of “Talking Therapy” therapy such as Counselling general – Psychotherapy - Cognitive behavioural therapy ( CBT) a person has a view of the situation, where they can see outcomes that offer solutions .
Feel they are in ‘control’ of, and can formulate their exit plans to enable better negotiations, and a general sense of inner wellbeing. The secret is to gather and hone enough resources, to enable business outcomes rather than focusing on emotional responses, that are outside the bounds of your control and are frustrating and can bring on anxieties.
I totally advocate a holistic approach in therapy terms, to achieve optimum benefits from having and maintaining a “clear mind”. Which apart from using the services of a therapist, involve the individual looking at their diet and exercise routines, to ensure they are getting the balance of natural vitamins, minerals and mind boosting hormones.
As it is scientifically recognised that ‘imbalances’ of hormones and chemicals, such as epinephrine and norepinephrine need to be addressed as they contribute significantly to the persons ability to cope with the divorce process. Therefore obtaining a third parties help to calibrate the information, together with a combination of exercise – a balanced nutritional diet, they are releasing excess adrenaline that the body stores as a result of fight or flight responses, and therefore a divorce survivor.