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2 months and 1 day in, I am sick of him, his threats, and of worrying

P Updated

The petition is finished. It took a while, and he had to approve it all - I can't just do it MYSELF, can I? Even though only our Sols will see it, he doesn't want to be painted "like an as****e." He hasn't done anything wrong, it's not true. It's completely right for decent, caring, compassionate men to leave their wives for OW, cheat, lie, collude, deceive. How dare I stop him from getting on with his life? Don't I UNDERSTAND THAT HE WANTED A DIVORCE YESTERDAY, WE ARE LIKE CHALK AND CHEESE, HIS LIFE IS BEING HELD UP BY ME, WHAT KIND OF A SICK BI*** AM I TO WASTE HIS TIME SO THAT HE HAS TO DEAL WITH ME EVERYDAY? DONT I UNDERSTAND THAT HE NEVER WANTS TO SEE ME AGAIN, I AM A CANCER TO HIM??

The Sol made it salacious, but still true. Last night, I read him the draft - which he told me I had to- and hell broke loose. He now says he doesnt like the reasons, they're not "exactly" what I read, the Sol had no reason to change the wording, he shouldnt be nice to me as I am not nice to him - he will only pay for mtg and that's it. He will call the gas, water, power to cancel, he will call internet/  home phone to cancel, if I want to use the phone I can drive down the road to park in a car park (I have no mobile signal at home). Emergency? I can knock on the neighbors door. It's a luxury. Heat? I won't die, Im not 65, water? I can shower at work or ask the neighbor. TV? Not a luxury, I can use my phone (without wifi? Um, noooo). He will be buying her a xmas gift, but she "desreves it" & it's a "one off". Hi Mum will give him money for xmas, it's a "one off", what she does with her effing money is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. He will vacation with her, he's "entitled" as his life with me was "pure hell".

He then said that he will cross file, he knows it's useless & pricey but he wants to see me bankrupt, he will purposefully call his Sol night and day so that I will have to pay for it, he wil be living with his Mum with no bills & he will be living his dream life soon with someone who is "so different & really CARES LIKE I NEVER DID",  I dont understand what a nice person his Mum is, I never appreciated her, I can't PROVE THAT THEY COLLUDED TOGETHER & WHEN I SWEAR IN COURT THAT THEY DID, I WILL BE A LIAR & BE ARRESTED, I NEED PROOF , "PROOOOOOFFFF" , I don't have it, he will be laughing as the "world" will know that I am an unfeeling, nasty, psycho, money grubbing b***h. He has now sent a text saying "do not contact me again, your texts are causing mne harrassment, alarm, and distress" which he always said was the PC instruction for anyone that was undergoing domestic violence, they send that and if there is any response then the other party will be visited by police.

Could he be any more pathetic? This is the same man who lied on his police app & said that he'd never smoked cannabis so that he could get in. Lied about his car insurance. Lied about his holiday time so he didn't have to see his son. Lied about his money so he could spend it all on himself.

We still have to deal with finances, this was supposed to be the easy part.

I don't care what he says on his petition, I gave up my soul for him and the marriage & if it says that every night at midnight I turn into a TRex & eat babies, Ill sign. I know Im not the woman that he will speak of on that petition & I wont be bullied like that.

But I hate the fact that I am now scared, I don't have money to pay for his Sol or anything else if he cross petitions. He could be bluffing, maybe not. I can't be arrested or have a bankruptcy/ ccj otherwise I can't apply for dual citizenship, he knows this & this is his best way of getting back at me.  I can't lose my job but I am struggling as he is attention seeking & I have to drive home on lunch breaks to make sure he doesnt loot the house.

I have to have dual citizenship otherwise my life with him has really been a waste. I wish he wasn't such a bully, I always knew he was, but he has made me worry about whether I will get what I want out of this. What I want is maintenance, half his pension, my life back, and a British passport.

I am now emotional enough to be vomitious, I can deal with the constant fight or flight response but I need cash to start a new life, which I deserve.

I just wish that I could be as mean as he is, just once, to know, but I hate myself for thinking that. And I hate myself for being scared, it's not like me.

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Stay strong Patti ((((())))
That petition is one hurdle out of the way x
None of them like to be told what they really are!
When I first saw your T Rex and babies note I thought you were baking again ;)
Don't worry...all these SBFs will be buried in their setts one day xx
S
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When the guilty party sees the petition (or a response to it), their tiny brains tend to explode since they just can't understand it - so they say all kind of rubbish. I sent a rider in to accompanyy the petition I was served, and my ex went bananas for a while. Let them rant, but let them rant on their own. They don't deserve one jot of our attention. They just try their best to get into your head and mess that up because their own head is so messed up.

He certainly is a bully. All bullies get found out in the end, and, more often than not, have a miserable life because of who they are and not because of what they say.
J
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He knows that it's landfill & no one sees it, he just wants revenge. My Sol sent his Sol a copy of the draft today, but he says that if HE gets to COURT BEFORE me, (and he will tell his Sol to hurry up), I will pay all my costs and his as well? I guess Im just worried that I really WILL have to pay.

He's a schmuck and a bully but I don't have the cash.
P
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Get in first with the petition. Let him run up as much as he likes in costs for crosspetitioning - do all the responses yourself. If you are feeling nice you could tell him that no one but you him and judge will ever see the petition and that they are routinely destroyed after 20 years so never get into the public domain.

Maintenance may not be a runner, given that there are no children. Go for the house!

What a loser.
P
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He's a bully and in a corner. Robinsons right, ignore his threats. I dumbed mine down, made it generic and when she saw it she said 'it makes me look like a bad person'! I reminded her its not a personality quiz. If he's making threats to you it is at worse threatening behavior and/or blackmail. The courts just need to see that the marriage has broken down and I think after a period of time that piece of paper will be landfill, the decree absolute is what you want. Stop engaging him, get the draft to the court and let the process do the rest. He's kicking off because he's in the wrong. Let it go. You don't want to but thats pride, let it go.
P
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hi patti, i am so sorry you are going through this hell, he sounds like a real charmer. i cant understand why you involved him in the petition for divorce unless you are doing it yourself and not using a solicitor.Even then he should have no control over it.When it comes to the crunch the court are not interested in the reasons why a marriage has broken down just the fact that it has. I am lucky that mine admited adultery. He sounds very controlling and YOU DIDNT HAVE TO READ HIM THE DRAFT. if possible have no contact with him so he cant try and control you and upset you
R