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26th June

J Updated

Haven't blogged for a while as didn't feel i had much to write to be honest. Nothing has changed in my life, same old routines. My hubby was away with his Scouts for the weekend (again) and came home on Sunday night around 9.45pm. Within in half an hour he'd ask if i would mind if he popped to the pub for a drink. I said no, whatever. I didn't even get an invite, nice eh! Went to my bed instead with a good book. Good books are becoming a big part of my life at the moment lol. Good job i enjoy reading.

Hardly saw anything of him yesterday either. He was working late at work doing wages and sent me a txt at midnight to say he was just leaving and would be home soon. I was in bed by then. I gave up waiting by 11.15. I just don't understand why he keeps pushing himself so hard, he's going to do some damage. The last month has been hectic. He's been away every weekend bar one, week before last, last weekend and again this weekend. Then were off to Berwick for 5 days on caravan holiday and meeting up with all his folks as well. Hoping the weather will be good so at least i can take long walks on the beach. Part of me wants to go and the other part can't be arsed.

I have applied to the council for housing and hope they will come back to me soon with an offer, and then i can move out. Its not working between us at all and i can't see any way forward. We hardly see each other as it is and when he is home he's doing something with the house, or at B&Q (his fav place) or the pub. Its my wedding anniversary at the end of July and i don't want to buy a card or present or even send a txt msg to say 'Happy Anniversary' as i feel its a sham. In April when he was away (yet again) i sent a txt to say 'Happy 5 yrs together' and didn't even get a reply. Think he said after that it wasn't appropriate to reply because he'd just told me a few days before how he felt about everything. I thought and thought about sending it, but now wish i hadn't bothered, but thats just the sort of person i am. Always trying to please everyone else before me. One day, maybe, i will be able to afford to be selfish lol

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enjoy reading your blog,sounds so similar to me.....but work instead of scouts! Also the walking on eggshells in case you say the wrong thing and get the bitter sarcasm,especially if alcohol involved. I can't offer advice though,been doing it fot 20 years,although I really feel this time things they are a-changing.Hope you are well,and enjoyed the walking.