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A terrible place

L Updated
I really look up to the other people on the site, thinking 'You are almost there...it's about getting the last crap out of the way and your life is back. Every time I read messages on the site I think for myself...if I have something, anything to give to make this go away, I swear I will give anything I can. I know, not a single person started on day one could even in his worst dreams think this would happen. The day you stood there and said 'I do" you thought this is amazing, look what I found! And then slowly it broke, slowly it is tearing apart and you come to a point where you say, it's not ripped and shattered but it is in a place where it can not be fixed again. And even if you tried, this time will always be like a scar on a smooth skin. Something that will always be there, visible forever, you can even feel it at night. That wonderful moment you had now has a scar on it that never can go away. Sometimes you get so scared you even think, I can live with that. And then you realise, it's going to shatter, but when? And people tell you "Stop doing what you are doing and end this? Are you stupid or what?" And that is why I look up to the rest, the people who had the guts and the power and the brains to see when something is damaged beyond repair, take it in their hands, break it and turn around and get on with their lives. People who I would give anything to be, a person who has the power and the brains to take their lives in their hands and put their feet on the ground and carried on.

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Whenever we do something in life with an expectation of how we'd like it to turn out, we risk experiencing disappointment. Things have not gone the way you had envisioned, and I can see that you are distressed to realise that the life you dreamed of with your wife, and what was going to be your happiness into the future, is now slipping away from you.

What is clear is that you are very unhappy and it feels as though a crisis is imminent. Is there a possibility of couples counselling, as it seems she's not hearing you? Your voice needs to be heard and in therapy there could be room for both of you to be listened to.

You have to be honest with her, and tell her that her expectations for a lifestyle you are struggling to fund are just not sustainable long term. Her wishes for that lifestyle are controlling the relationship and if she cannot compromise and continues to refuse to move to where you are able to get work, then she must accept some responsibility.

However, you will need to feel confident to instigate this process, and this might be difficult in your current state of hopelessness. Your future happiness (and solvency) might provide you with the motivation to face possible conflict with your wife to resolve this impasse.

Sometimes in life we begin to see that although things don't always work out the way we want, it sometimes leads to the acceptance of reality and the wisdom and energy to begin again.
M
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You have the power and the brains to change your life, please don't think that you don't. From reading your journey so far, it seems to me you are the one who wants to end where you are now (forgive me if I've got this wrong). Some of us didn't get this choice, our former life ripped away in the blink of an eye. Yes our marriages may not have been perfect, mine certainly wasn't.

However we find our self on Wiki, whether we are the leaver or the left, it's only us that can make our lives better. So please don't think that you can't do it, because you can. Whichever side you are on, it takes guts and determination to find our former selves, who we were before we got 'lost' in our former relationships.

I wish you well in whichever path you chose to pursue
H