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At least I don't want him back!!

elizadoolittle
Updated
Found out from my lawyer that all of x's businesses have gone bust. He has no income and is unlikely ever to have any (although he used to talk of earning £1m he never did, but he did make a good living until he walked out on us). What he does have is a lot of debt. So there will be no SM no CM and insufficient assets to have in lieu since there isn't even enough to cover housing needs. I have been out of the workforce looking after kids for 20 years (joint decision) and am not earning. He told me even a few months ago (when I was still hoping for a reconciliation, not realising the extent of his deception and mania) that he would pay joint lives maintenance and that I could retire in a few years (ie when the children were grown). He told me how well business was doing and how much he was enjoying work. He didn't tell me he was earning nothing, and he didn't tell me he was spending sometimes as much as £50k a month (!!!) on his enjoyment. He has not paid a penny towards the mortgage or bills of any kind and not even given his children a Xmas card never mind gift (though he continues to borrow to finance his own costs).. Icing on the cake: email to the lawyer suggests it's all my fault that his empire has crashed because he has had to spend all his time on (failing to) answer the questionnaire. I had to laugh. Is it any wonder I am gaga?

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Eliza,
I'm with Nige,start your book,I thought I would write one called"Death of a Marriage";) but yours would blow mine out the water,you couldn't make it up.
Do what the others advise it smells worse than your pipe did/does

((()))andxxx
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Eliza - sorry. Though the writing has been on the wall for a while it doesn't make it any easier does it.

The proof of this state of affairs must be gone over and confirmed by an independant accountant or similar- though they want paying naturally. It certainly has a smell about it. If stbx has money stashed and you and those kids don't get some before it's too late it will drive us all mad.

Your story is incredible - start writing your book now it will be a best seller for sure and bring in some much needed dosh.

Nige
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That man is unbelievable. Love the blame for you too, what a bast@rd! It's just frightening to think how shallow their values really were. I am still struggling to reconcile my image of my STBX as a decent man with what he has done ( including I suspect stashing away money and lying about it to me & solicitors). It was a false image, because when the real test came they didnt have the honesty and integrity or decency that they liked to claim as part of their virtues. Actions speak louder than words. Good luck sorting this out but I wouldn't know how you could do this - does your solicitor know if you can get a forensic accountant to investigate?
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Are you sure that OW isn't payrolling his lifestyle at the moment? I know in the past you have said that when you were together that you were worried about his overspending. Do you actually know where he is living?

I agree with Pixy, he is in la la land.

I'm sure you are already, but start looking at alternative accommodation whether that be purchasing if there is any equity at all, or renting. If it means moving out of London, then I'm afraid that maybe needs must. If you have FDR soon maybe talk about starting to sell the house now. At least that way you stand a chance of getting the selling price which you won't get if it's repossessed. X

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I'm with Haway on that one, you can't borrow when bust. But you might have a hard time tracing the money.
Consider you're bust and move on. It's only money, shit happens etc etc, you know the lines!
((()))
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He's hidden money and spinning a bullshine line that he's bust.
It's a fecking ruse to screw you over.
You can't afford holidays costing £1000's rent costing £3000 a month.Spending £50k £50 fecking k in a month when you are going skint.
It's total bollox....total and utter bollox.
I fecking know that I'm right on this one.
Make sure you see the proof, who's the recievers for all his businesses ask his business partners, talk to their wives.FFS you ain't worked for 20 years but don't tell me you don't know any of his partners or their misus.
Don't get mugged off.
All the best
HRH x
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He's in la la land because it is a nice comfortable place to be. At least the debts he's racked up since leaving are presumably going to be counted as his rather than marital.

But like haway I'm suspicious of his story. Just where is he borrowing this money from? Does he have a secret stash, is he conning friends and family - if so, you should be warning them. Is he committing fraud?

As for housing needs - you need to work out just what might be left from selling the house and then investigate where and what you can afford. I have a thread on the forum that reflects how desperate I am getting about housing - but the reality is that if I were prepared to move away from London, I could find something really nice. Non London prices are staggeringly cheap. And with good schools. I'm not brave enough to do it. But you are still relatively young and I'm willing to bet you could make a go of it.
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Oh Eliza how bloody sh@t it all is!!!! Just get yourself out of it all and do as haway says you know he is always right

Just remember you are stronger than your ex you haven't hidden you are the strongest piece of the the jigsaw in this whole mess
Xxxxxxx
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Haway I'm afraid on this one I disagree... He can be borrowing from family and friends etc without telling them the truth :(
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You can't borrow money when you have no dough.
It's utter bollox hun.
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