I feel calm and safe and quite poised. I have new routines, I reach out to friends and do nice things like going to the cinema or having a glass of wine. I whatsapp with friends far away and have booked a ticket so I will be seeing them soon. I can focus on my work and am inching forwards with items relating to my divorce. I would like to think that I've turned a corner but I suspect that like a hurricane, I'm somewhere in the eye of the storm and that soon my emotions will be whizzed around again. The consent order communications will be starting soon and I am preparing myself for a bumpy ride, so I am happy that I have the chance now to build my confidence and settle further into my role of single woman. Not scorned wife, but confident, happy single woman. The shame I feel that everyone can see he left me for a work colleague and is also very publicly looking for hook ups is hard to bear. I am just hopeful that when people see me they see someone who is holding it together and behaving well, with grace under pressure. I am also feeling strong enough now to think about the happier times. It makes me sad that we've lost all of that. After my soon to be ex husbands' comment the other week that he thought he would spare me the reasons why he fell out of love with me, I've been thinking about that also, and I always circle back to the fact that the whole point of marriage is that you grow and evolve together. Looking at his activities lately, I think he just got fed up, wanted his single life back and couldn't be bothered any more and it's easy to go ahead and do that if you can blame someone else. But it was both of us. Laziness, complacency, lack of communication, both of us behaving in ways the other didn't like. I am working through these things, reviewing and analysing and putting them to rest.