Dating (or not)
Overall I've been making slow undramatic progress as I come close to 2 years, however a recent unfortunate dating experience is bringing on another rant! Good bits: I made it through Christmas without any tears, made better use of my free time in the recent summer holidays while my boys were away, tackling some overdue work projects, going to ocean swims and other fun evenings out with friends. And I only felt a brief pang of anger and grief when I recently noticed my ex was wearing a big shiny gold wedding band for the first time since his marriage 6 months prior. The sting is that he "lost" his ring about 2 years into our marriage, and admitted that was deliberate as he disliked it. Or rather he disliked what it symbolised and how it cramped his flirting style. So he's going to make an effort second time around to be faithful and play the devoted husband? I bit my tongue and said nothing. Anyway I'd been testing the waters in recent months with half-hearted dating (starting off with an otherwise nice part-time single dad who lied about his age, height and physical health, and used photos that were 5 years old - why do this??!) and had one brief relationship last year with another man which ended when he became excessively keen after a month. When he started hinting at a longterm future together and mentioned he loved shooting birds when he was younger, I panicked and cut all contact. Looking back he was totally ill-suited, we had nothing in common except we liked jogging, and he probably had some sort of dark past from a range of clues and antisocial comments like the one above. What was I thinking?! Since then I had been receiving emails from a man with whom I had much more in common who kept asking to meet, "no pressure!". Finally I agreed and met him twice, with lots of chatty and seemingly keen texting from him in between. After sharing a coffee and having a long chat in a park yesterday, he sent me a text today just letting me know that by the way he's been in a relationship for over 2 months, the entire duration of the time he's been pursuing me! I replied that he should be putting his time and energy into his relationship and his girlfriend wouldn't like him seeing other single females. Or more likely just keeping his options open and his ego pampered by seeing multiple women. Thank God I found out before it went any further. I know there are decent honest men out there (including our Wiki males), but do I have to meet all the bottom dwellers (as Driven calls them ) first? Clearly my bad guy radar is not working well, as I thought I'd been really fussy about potential internet dates, or perhaps these guys are too good at lying. Would a personality inventory administered by a forensic psychologist prior to a coffee date be too intense?! I realise life is pretty good compared with what others are struggling here when all I can rant about is the pitfalls of dating, but it's just a heartsink feeling when I realise I've met another liar or would-be cheat. Back to the drawing board.