Day one of my blog... 18th July 2012. 9 days before I hit 42...and they said life began at 40!
Let me introduce myself. I'm dive, I'm male and live in the south of England. I have been married since 2005 and with my wife since 2001.
My wife is an alcoholic... She suffers from depression. This isn't an excuse for the following, but it goes some way to explain how we came to be in this situation.
After about 9 years of being together, coping with her drinking binges and depression periods, I decided that I had to get out of the marriage. I had let almost a decade go by and I was fast approaching 40. Some may say it was a mid life crisis, I don't. I remember sitting there and thinking that if I didn't get out now, I would be still sitting there when I was aproaching 50 and the only difference would be that I had lost 20 years of my life instead of 10!
I had decided. I took the plunge! I told my wife. I felt so relieved! It was like the biggest weight had been lifted from my shoulders instantly! She wasn't too happy...
Anyway, it was done... We strugged on in the same house for another 3 months, with me sleeping regularly at friends places or relatives. Then I moved into a rented place with a 6 month lease, hoping things would be sorted by the time the lease ran out...
Unfortuantely, I was paying out so much money to keep two homes going (the matrimonal one and the rented flat) that I couldn't afford a lawyer or the divorce court fees, so I just carried on.
After 6 months of renting, I could no longer afford two homes so I moved back into the marital home (The spare room). This is where I stayed until now, 18 months later... a letter through the door from my wife's solicitor stating that she would like to instigate divorce proceedings agains me stating 2 years seperation.....
So, join me on my journey through the big world of solicitors, bitter fights and hopefully at the end, freedom and a new beginning for both of us. Yes this is only my side, but I will try to be as objective and fair as I possibly can... I would say "enjoy" but it is probably not the right terminology.
It was said in the SF TV series Babylon 5, "Understanding is a three edged sword. There's your side. Their side And the truth." So long as you can try to stay as close to facts as you can then it should remain a two edged sword. I try to do that as much as possible, and sometimes it can be painful to admit that I have made mistakes. But I do.
Having read the blog post it seems you have remarkable similarities with my own position. Though my wife is not an alcoholic, but she is a regular drug user. Just cannabis but that is not the point.
I hope you can come through this, with dignity and without too many scars. Its not easy. I am just starting on this road myself and am already the bearer of a few wounds from my soon to be ex. Though I am much stringer than I was a couple of months ago. I have developed a mantra. "Acceptance is everything". I accept my marriage is over. I accept that my wife is never coming back. I accept that I am going to sell my home. I accept that this will become bitter. I accept that I am not going to bend to her will ever again.
I don't know if that is any help to you. You are on the great rollercoaster of emotions and stress. I would love to be able to say it gets easier, but I still struggle some days, so I cant. But it is helpful to vent off here. Get the poison out of your system to people who are sympathetic and who understand.
It does not have to be a solicitor battle, it sounds as if you are both resigned to the situation and could save Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£'s by being amicable and splitting things yourself and just telling a solicitor "this is what we want".
Plenty of advice and support on her. Check out the forums and chat rooms. use the free phone number for advice and its FREE!
Hi dive & welcome you will find a lot of help on here from other wikis I did.
My x alcohol dependent & depressive (I would say, he wold not agree to), so know where you are comming from. X left me but Tbh (long before he left) I remember walking on the beach thinking is this it, is this all we have to look forward to .... What a waste of two grown up lives. :(
2 years & a lot of arguments later am divorced & sorted out financials, it does get better / easier & I would pick your battles in terms of finances or contact (if any), as you learn very quickly what is the most important to you & move forward with those.