I've been feeling very sad over the past couple of days.... Bank Holiday Weekend though.... normally we would 'do' something... go away for a couple of days / go out somewhere for the day..... just enjoy the long weekend really... not this BHW though....
I DO try to keep my chin up... and usually I manage it to an extent... but I'm struggling at the moment...
A little story..... My daughter is a home care worker, one of the clients she has is a 33 year old chap. who had a brain heamorage around 8 years ago, he is confined to a wheelchair, has limited use of his limbs, and short term memory loss... we have become quite friendly with him, and his dad, his mother died about 6 years ago....
We tend to do extra little things for them....a little bit shopping, a lift somewhere... I am taking care of him for the day in October, so his dad can have a day at the horseracing... we took him to the theatre to see 'le grande cirque'... we are taking him to see Meatloaf in October...
Anyway, he has been away to respite this week, and on Monday teatime, we got a frantic phone call from his dad, saying he had forgotten to pack some necessary medication.... so, to cut a long story short, we jumped in the car, picked up the medication, drove for 2+ hours to take the medication, and the same back again, arriving home around 1am...
Now.... the point of this story... is... that when we were at the respite centre, we spent a little time, and I felt quite humbled..... we were surrounded by people who, through illness/accident... were disabled to different degrees, either physically or mentally, or both....
and.... I think to myself... "what the hell am I so miserable about?"
I have my health, my family, my friends.... I need to be thankful, not moping around!!!!!!!
The sun is shining here in Newcastle this morning.... I might make some noise, see if I can wake my sleeping daughter, suggest we have a little time out somewhere.... can't go shopping though - got no money!!!!!
Maybe a run down the coast, a spot of lunch.... something that doesn't cost a lot... since my x2b has run off with all our money!!!!
Still haven't heard anything from him.... it's about 4 weeks since I last spoke to him, that was the last time he would answer my calls... I am now pretty sure he is trying to 'wait me out'.... in the hope that I will somehow 'disappear' because I can't manage financially.... he thinks that I don't know where he is, but, for someone who is trying to outwit me, he wasn't smart enough to redirect his mail.... so, I now have his new address, his new mobile number, and his work details.... I spoke with my solicitor earlier in the week, and she said she had filed the petition for divorce, so he should get something at his new address sometime in the near future I think...("how the hell did she get my address?")...I believe my solicitor is applying for 'maintenance pending suit'.... which, I believe means that he has to contribute something towards the house/living expenses...I won't hold my breath though - if there is any way in this world that my x2b can avoid giving me any financial support HE WILL FIND IT!!!!
I believe he will be thinking that he has NO responsibility towards myself or our home, because he is now 'seperated' from me.... and he is one of those fella's who has the attitude 'you'll not get a penny'....I just hope that somewhere down the line he will come to realise that it is not up to him whether 'I get a penny' or not....
So..... I shall try to lift my spirits today, after all, despite what is going on with my emotions, I am STILL on the train of thought that I WILL come through this.... and somewhere...probably a lot farther down the line... I WILL be okay again.........