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Feel SO Sad.....

S Updated

I've been feeling very sad over the past couple of days.... Bank Holiday Weekend though.... normally we would 'do' something... go away for a couple of days / go out somewhere for the day..... just enjoy the long weekend really... not this BHW though....

I DO try to keep my chin up... and usually I manage it to an extent... but I'm struggling at the moment...

A little story..... My daughter is a home care worker, one of the clients she has is a 33 year old chap. who had a brain heamorage around 8 years ago, he is confined to a wheelchair, has limited use of his limbs, and short term memory loss... we have become quite friendly with him, and his dad, his mother died about 6 years ago....

We tend to do extra little things for them....a little bit shopping, a lift somewhere... I am taking care of him for the day in October, so his dad can have a day at the horseracing... we took him to the theatre to see 'le grande cirque'... we are taking him to see Meatloaf in October...

Anyway, he has been away to respite this week, and on Monday teatime, we got a frantic phone call from his dad, saying he had forgotten to pack some necessary medication.... so, to cut a long story short, we jumped in the car, picked up the medication, drove for 2+ hours to take the medication, and the same back again, arriving home around 1am...

Now.... the point of this story... is... that when we were at the respite centre, we spent a little time, and I felt quite humbled..... we were surrounded by people who, through illness/accident... were disabled to different degrees, either physically or mentally, or both....

and.... I think to myself... "what the hell am I so miserable about?"

I have my health, my family, my friends.... I need to be thankful, not moping around!!!!!!!

The sun is shining here in Newcastle this morning.... I might make some noise, see if I can wake my sleeping daughter, suggest we have a little time out somewhere.... can't go shopping though - got no money!!!!!

Maybe a run down the coast, a spot of lunch.... something that doesn't cost a lot... since my x2b has run off with all our money!!!!

Still haven't heard anything from him.... it's about 4 weeks since I last spoke to him, that was the last time he would answer my calls... I am now pretty sure he is trying to 'wait me out'.... in the hope that I will somehow 'disappear' because I can't manage financially.... he thinks that I don't know where he is, but, for someone who is trying to outwit me, he wasn't smart enough to redirect his mail.... so, I now have his new address, his new mobile number, and his work details.... I spoke with my solicitor earlier in the week, and she said she had filed the petition for divorce, so he should get something at his new address sometime in the near future I think...("how the hell did she get my address?")...I believe my solicitor is applying for 'maintenance pending suit'.... which, I believe means that he has to contribute something towards the house/living expenses...I won't hold my breath though - if there is any way in this world that my x2b can avoid giving me any financial support HE WILL FIND IT!!!!

I believe he will be thinking that he has NO responsibility towards myself or our home, because he is now 'seperated' from me.... and he is one of those fella's who has the attitude 'you'll not get a penny'....I just hope that somewhere down the line he will come to realise that it is not up to him whether 'I get a penny' or not....

So..... I shall try to lift my spirits today, after all, despite what is going on with my emotions, I am STILL on the train of thought that I WILL come through this.... and somewhere...probably a lot farther down the line... I WILL be okay again.........

User comments

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What a git he is! And to think there are people on this site criticising me for offering my wife of 14 months 10 grand to reward her adultery.
It is perfectly natural to experience these down times and part of what is essentially a grieving process. Remember too that none of this was of your making so it will take a while to establish a sense of being in control.
Ultimately of course he will regret his actions, but you'll have moved on so far by then it won't affect you! One day at a time.
D
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Hiya
Like you said, chin up. We all get our 'down' days, some more than others. I feel in limbo really at the moment. On Tuesday i made him make a final decision. I suppose some part of me wanted him to say would could work things out, but that didn't happen. We decided to separate. Told our 5 girls on Thurs night. What a nightmare. I will move out and buy a house with my daughter and he will find somewhere for himself and his 4. Maybe we will be able to see each other after we have separated (like it was at the begining) only time will tell. Perhaps we both need space and time to find each other again. Who knows? Shame really. We never argued or shouted, just grew apart and he wanted to find himself again i think. We want to finish the hous first so get a better price so will be 'here' until xmas i think. I am trying to find and make new friends, hoping that when the time comes i wont be/feel so lonely, but its hard. I hope your good days are plenty xxx
J
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I'm sure you will get through this - and things do get better. My post isn't a response to yours but things that have helped me in the past year. If they help anyone else, that's a plus.
A