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Feeling upset

X Updated
So this weekend both my young adult sons are home as it's the younger ones birthday this week. As I have said Stbx is still living here. Friday evening I went out to a friends birthday party and Stbx took sons out for a meal. Saturday evening I had organised a meal out with my side of the family, but not Stbx as my family are not happy with him and he does not appear to want to spend any time with me. I had a nice time on Friday, me and my sons put up the Christmas decorations on Saturday afternoon . Made the mistake of asking Stbx what he was doing that evening and I could tell by the evasive way he replied he was going to see ow. I am afraid I then got upset and was angry, why did he have to spoil the time the boys are here by going out with her ? His answer , I feel excluded by you. Why do I let him upset me so much? Why do I need to ask him where he's going ? This is really upsetting me, although when I look at it rationally I don't mind the thought he will meet someone else it just feels too soon and too in my face. I am now thinking if he won't move out perhaps I should for the sake of my sanity but then he has got what he wants as he loves the house, and will be reluctant to sell.

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Brilliant stem ginger.... painful at the time but one day you will laugh and be very proud that you did that!
SF
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Amicable may be possible if both parties wanted the separation and neither is flaunting a new relationship. I guess at some stage you are both going to have to take a hit to the finances, and it might be worth your sanity to think about sooner rather than later.
V
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That made me laugh , initially we said we would keep it amicable so we have both been doing cooking washing for each other, but I am now trying hard not to do anything much for him.
Both my sons were home this weekend and I gather the younger one told him some home truths in the car on the way back to uni and my older sons wife also had a meaningful conversation with him.
The problem with him moving out is it will drain more money from our finances.
It was lovely having my sons and daughter in law here it was good to have people here who we're being nice to me .
X
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Oh, Vastra, if only you'd been around when the f*ckwit refused to leave. I could have used some of those evil ideas ...
P
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It's so unfair... I hope he is on a sofa and doing all his own cooking, washing etc? Is there some way home could become not so pleasant? Some ideas - play that annoying "what does the fox say?" song day & night, hide prawn heads in the room where he is sleeping (good Aussie trick, works better in hot weather) or take up learning the flute or violin, and play badly? If you are cooking, make lentil dhal for every single meal if you are still cooking for him. Invite your friends and family over every night and get them to chant "move out!move out!" For hours? Then play that fox song again, he will be gone in a day or two!
V
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I have asked, but he has refused saying he can't afford it.
X
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Now that it's out in the open, nobody should expect to have to live under the same roof as the adulterer. It depends on your circumstances of course but you should ask him to leave.
R
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It sounds horrible for you. It's not good for us to see the one we loved for so long, become animated by another. Are you going to mediation yet where you might be able to discuss 'respect'? This respect should involve attitude towards the children. I remember catching my husband talking to other women on Sype. I had a feeling he was doing this so I crept downstairs, waited for him to go out for a smoke then locked the door. His Skype was open and he was conversing amorously with two women. I wrote to both of them and told them he had a wife upstairs! Looking back, it was insanity...to finish the story, he was furious when he came back into the house and was much more worried about them finding out than me. I think he must have been trying to push me and the girls out of the house. Ironically we were officially attempting to reconcile at the time.
S
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Strange that they behave in such similar ways - mine did the same Vastra. Except he didn't ask. Left my boy sobbing. I don't think I had any remnants of respect left for him by that stage, but anything I did have certainly left for good that night as he walked out hurriedly, reeking of new after shave and checking his watch.

Nige
N
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I did move out for the sake of my sanity. On that level it worked. However it does mean there is very little incentive to sell the house and so 30 months later I'm still in rented. It has cost a fortune in rent - but actually every penny has been worth it, as I think I would have collapsed it I had had to stay with the f*ckwit one more day.
P
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