I think I have turned a corner recently. I attended joint mediation and his behaviour did not go down well with the mediator. He came into the room in a bit of a mood because of me not allowing him things from the house. After that he sent me a vile email slating me, calling me stupid, slating my family and friends, saying how our eldest child couldn't wait to get away from me (which I don't for one moment believe that to be true). I know the email was sent to hurt me as he displayed his "feelings" for the OW in front of me in black and white, about how much younger and fitter she was over me, how they appear much stronger now (well to be stronger you needed to have been weak in the first place). I didn't let it hurt me because it couldn't as I have no feelings left for him anymore. I know I've said this before, and another Wiki has said I will get to the stage when nothing he does will hurt me again - well I think I am nearly there. When I saw him during mediation he was not in a good mood. Apparently if he goes away with less than X amount for settlement he will not be able to look certain people in the eye again. I knew exactly who he was talking about, and the mediator quite rightly pointed out to him that this is not about what other people want, it's about what's reasonable and fair. This is yet another example of him not being able to manage things for himself, always tied to some mug for support. His face was screwed up when talking to me, looking all gnarled and angry like when he used to lose his temper with me. I just sat there fore a while letting him dig a bigger and bigger hole for himself before I spoke in a quiet voice, never letting my feelings show. Walking out of the room I could hold my head high that I am nearly there. I had no feelings of hurt, sadness or anger, in fact I felt nothing towards him and treated the meeting like I was meeting a work client. Even afterwards when the mediator saw me out of the building she asked what was wrong with him. I said I didn't know. Maybe he's finally realised the horror of his new life, what he's lost and how he cannot now change it. As for me, I left him with a proposal for settlement that he will think about. I think I am nearly at the finishing line with regards to the divorce anyway. Thanks for listening As always take care of yourself xx
Well done HKHD! You must have been relieved to see you could keep calm and be professional, not just for the sake of a successful mediation but also to know that you can rise above his behaviour. The email sounds like a petty rage from an unhappy nasty man, desperate to provoke you. I'm sure you have ignored it. No doubt your ex (and mine) are not happy otherwise we wouldn't continue to get these rude emails / texts. Hang in there, you're doing so well X
His facial expressions said it all really. If his life was so good now, he would have walked into the room full of confidence and his manner would have been entirely different. Still, the moods and the angry face are almost out of your life for good.
When wikis advise to be 'businesslike' in your dealings with exes they know what they're talking about! Keep your eyes on the finishing line now, then you can change your name to HeadKnowsAndHeartDoesToo.
Any email, telephone call or memory is still knocking me sideways so it's good to hear from people like your self you do become stronger & wiser & a lot more level headed & that it does get better with time
Well done hun,that is called empowerment !!!
They all think that they can drift off into the sunset,and life can be rosy for them.When reality hits and they find that the grass is made of bovine residue,that they still have obligations to their family,that things have not or will not go to plan,a sort of panic mode set in...Hey they started it,so they should be allowed to finish it as they wish ?????
No,we are the ones to finish it,and that is where your at Headknows,when he can no longer intimidate you,when you can remain calm when he loses it,when you can look people in the high and hold your head up,your the one in charge...