My ex chose to leave me, he'd been having an affair for a year before it all came out and then said he was leaving and had to think of his own happiness. So why is he the angry, bitter one?? I've fought hard to rebuild my life, trying new things, making new friends. It's not been easy, it can be a lonely journey but I have a good life now. A happy relationship, a nice house, a good job. After a few years of saving I've just bought a new car ( after driving round in an old hand me down from parents) I love it and feel proud I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. I also got a new phone yesterday, as I was due an upgrade. I text my ex with my new number in case of emergency and received a reply back. Not a very nice one complaining I obviously have lots of money? It made me wonder why someone that chose to leave me for another women would feel so angry that I'm happy now. Would he rather see me struggling for everything, not having any money to buy our daughter nice things or living in poor accommodation while he builds a huge extension on their house!
I think that it is in human nature to try and justify their mistakes. How often do you hear somebody say ''This is the worst car I have ever had'' after they got stuck with a real lemon and they just spent their life savings on it.
I have a friend who gave up a good job to take a 'brilliant one' where everybody was great and had much better attitudes.
Maybe for the first couple of weeks then results were expected.
The enthusiasm and trumpet blowing of the 'great job' was not repeated when by mutual consent there was a parting of the ways. But of course the next job was much better and much nicer people...blah blah. Then came the critisism of the methods and attitudes of the last firm.
Much in the same way the person who bought the great car will tell everyone what a heap it was AFTER they got rid of it and will then justify their new purchase but will have no regard to the problems the next owner will have.
Again it is the nature of some humans to hope that their x fails without them as it improves their self worth.
I know that I smirked when my cheating x ,who caused absolute chaos after she left and as friends said 'tried to destroy me', began to fail in every direction.
I would also say my cheating ex would be 'happier' - no - 'more comfortable' if I failed......why are they so angry, something to do with proving we are 'losers' and they are 'winners' and therefore could justify thier leaving/cheating to themselves?...this is an over simplification but in all honesty the reasoning beats me.....
Yaboya, welcome to wikivorce. Sorry to read what's happened, but to get answers you need to click on 'Forum' and then 'Finance' and 'start a new thread' and write your question there. Not everyone reads the blogs but you will get advice if you post on the Forum.
Probably not the right forum,but here goes.
After living together for 11 years,with a 10 month break half way through,we have decided to separate.
We rent,all bills halved.
I have some savings.
Does she have any claim against me?
Thanks for any advice.
Glad to hear you're doing well Sungirl, in fact really well I would say. I would say it looks like your ex is jealous of you. I have been accused of having lots of money in the past when I've been out and bought things, taken my boys out and about and they've told their dad about it. What are you supposed to do, be sad for the rest of your life and struggle with emotions and finances? I think our exs don't move on as much as they like us to think they have. I retorted to my exs "I budget, that's how I can afford it!" He would know a budget if it hit him on the head. Ha - now there's a thought.
Oh yes unfortunately my x went to town on me.
Guilt...thats what it is. Trying to justify why they did what they did.
Not only that but she justified (to herself of course and anyone who would believe her) why her almost relentless attack on me and my daughter claiming that everything was my fault.
Rather funny coming from someone who wrote in her last valentine card
;;You are my rock. I would have never made it without you''
To true but it didn;t stop the relentless attack with classic statements like
'I dont know why he fought to keep the big house'' (forgetting of course that my daughter lived with me.)
Why has he gone on an expensive holiday. (as if I didn't deserve it ) We had always gone on expensive holidays together.
Yes my daughter worked with me and now we are doing very well thank you but my daughter is constantly being questioned as how we did it.
Simple. Sheer Blo*** Mindedness.
Karma kicks in in funny ways. It was just slow in kicking in.
Agree 100%. I managed to hold on to the former family home to provide the stability for myself and my daughter to finish school. Communication with my ex has stopped until she leant that I had sold the house. I received a txt congratulating me on selling as part of an odd message and I took it that she never saw this coming and was jealous of the profits I would be making from the house sale. I did by my ex out some while before so although all above board, done and dusted, these things can still wrangle !
Haha - I was thinking just the same as Vastra! Answer: Yes, he would prefer to see you suffer.
One of the things that this whole business has taught me is that the completely irrational and seemingly unpredictable behaviour of one's ex is - astonishingly - no different from all the others. When I first came on here people who had never met either of us were shouting at me in block capitals PROTECT YOUR MONEY!!! And I wrote back 'Oh, my Bert would NEVER do anything like that! He is kind and good and a loving father.' It turns out they all knew him better than I did, after over 20 years of marriage.
And I have been a slow learner: when after three years in which he did not lift a finger or pay a penny to me or our children, but sat by while we were threatened with eviction and simply ran up legal bills to prevent us from getting our due, I really thought I would at least get what was in the Consent Order. Others called it right once again: 'He'll pay for a few months and then lose interest' they said.
Yes, it's a funny old world, and we are all astonished, but they all tend to behave true to type. Try not to take it personally. Live your life as best you can and try to avoid thinking competitively (or at all) about him.
Short answer - yes he would prefer to see you struggling! I don't quite understand why, but the leavers seem to want to crush their rejected spouse into the ground, in addition to blaming them for being an evil person who made their life misery. Our surviving and thriving seems to threaten them.
A couple of examples - one was a friend's ex, who not only left her (for his OW colleague) when she had a 3 month old baby and 2 older children, and her mother was terminally ill, but he cut off all their joint accounts so she had no money, then banned her from contacting his sympathetic dad who was helping her out to pay bills.
My ex is also enraged whenever I notify him I am taking our boys on holidays, even though they are far more modest than the regular business class trips that he and OW go on. I get snide sarcastic remarks about how outrageous that his huge maintenance payments are funding our holidays.
I figure there's not much point trying to understand it - just try to ignore him!