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Im cold

T Updated

Its 03:39:27 according to the time log :-) Ive been in these room a lot times now in the early hours of the morning looking round all the posts hoping that some where I can get a incline of what the hell to do, Ive read posts that make mine look trivial and made me as angry as the person who wrote them feels in dislike of the partner who has done this *+/$%^ thing to us all or in some cases themselves.

Anway, its not just me thats cold sitting here but my brain also, more and more as the days draws near to the court date Im struggling to find what I think I need to take to court so here goes I need help/advice of how to approach this, Ill try to keep it brief, but if anyone needs the full fact I can enter them if needed. In 2000 my ex left after I had stopped her handling the house finances. Over the 26 years of marrige 17 of those were trying to stop her drinking and seek help all to no avail so she left taking what was left in the bank and houseold furnishings, how she got a house so quick I have no idea but she did, so one question is can I request a soliciter to find out the reason from the council as its sheltered housing she moved to and ive been told that she has said I was hitting her, it is infact the opposite my head bares the scars and my body from items Ive been hit with in my sleep including knives all because Ive taken her drink away and poured it down the drain.

Soo she applied for the divorce and the process went ahead and I was asked to not claim costs, I agreed all seemed very smooth and I was asked to settle her with a financial offer as she wanted to go home in a few days, funny I thought she has just been given a house, after some shuffling and financial reasoning off how I can keep thing going ie mortgage the best deal I could come up with was an offer of £10000 but to get this together I would need to remortgage the house which she agreed to sign over to me to be able to arrange it. During this interval of course the debts started to come in as she was no longer there to hide the letters, then debt collecters came to the door and people to reposes stuff I had never even seen. I spoke to her about all this anmd she said I shant repeat the words *&^%$£"!£$%%^^&**^$%$$£ tough £$%$ later that day as the need for more of her want got to her and the fella that moved in with her I was asked to settle the deebts and she would just accept the £10000 and not have anything else, so by this time she had got legal aid and as I was working I couldnt but had to get a soliciter, she was in such a hurry to get the cash she refused her soliciters advice signed a agreement letter witten up by my soliciters and presented to hers, she signed it under their protest to get her hands on the money, then the problems started trying to get her to court she wasnt answering letters from her soliciters so they dropped her case and she wasnt answering my soliciters letters in the end my son and duaghter had to recieve letters at their houses to give to her to make sure she had them, then we struggled for 2 years trying to get her to agree to a court date for the financial settlement and nobody seen anything of her in that period until last year when she turned up penniless and siad she wasnt in her right mind when she took her money and now wants half of every thing.

So Grr I have no idea what to do now, I had assumed unfortuntly that it was all over after a two years of nothing and never kept any paper work of debts I had cleared and transactions taken place in an extra cash payment to her of an extra £1735 for what she said was travelling expenses (she never left the county) or went over the border back home. since then the house has of course improved in value and I have now got a pesnion that has kicked in that pays my mortage now, which is a good job as since then I have had two hosptial stays with exauhstion of over work to pay the debts off, a heart attack and in the last two months a stroke. I have no idea now of how to prove the debts left behind or the monies she has recived apart from what was handed to her by the soliciters.

how do I stand in this and what should I do, has any one got an idea of what I may have to face preferably not being homeless as if this is sold there will not be enough to buy another house or with my age even the time. Out of my pension there is £173.00 left after paying my mortgage of 503.00 Im not allowed any benfits because of my pension I have tried believe me but the answer has been NO. so the £173 is all I have to live on for the month,

so help please if you can

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Phone call just a few moments ago, from Sol, I have to see my barrister before the hearing, funny I dont recall having one but apparently I do. the only thing is that I have to travel to Manchester to see him as he is in chambers (never talked to anyone in a loo before heheh) So who ordered the barrister I expect I have to pay anyway nomatter.
Ok ive been stewing on this all day while sitting here by myself.

mail man comes and I gather up letters strange one 4th letter in, I open first disregarding the others, :-( big mistake. My very first letter direct from her Sols, funny this doesnt happen, so read on, frown getting deeper an deeper, blood pressure rising then load explosion of YOU ***k**g what rage not the word for it very unlike me not like me to use profanity, I have enough of that with the idiots that I live next door to, who dont have a Scottish, Welsh or English accent.

letter now with MY SOl, Mr * we are pleased to make a offer of setlement for you to look at blah blah blah our client would settle for £40000, suprise on my face. laugh then explosion. now let me see.

£10000 already had cash of £1735, debts left behind £23-25000 (I paid) all house contents, two cars, makes £76735. in her pocket, not counting price of oil paintings and water colours as I have never had them valued 4 I know by very famous artists

After outburst I DO NOT feel well, my head is every where but where it should be trying to control my health and Im failing. call Doc. given somthing to calm me down nurse sits with me and drives me to my sols and gives story to her assistant, good god is her words my comment is ******** not polite, nurse laughs so does the assistant whom is an awful speller and never remembers names from one paragrpagh to another.

what have I had out of this so far £0 cash in the 7 years of her absence. a house that has to be paid for £503pm, dropping value from £104000 to £96000 or less simaler one in street sold for £78000. storm damage, flood damage, roof damage:- total £18000 appx
2 spells in hospital with exauhstion from long hours 14-16 hr day to pay debts off no social life what so ever 1 heart attack and in the last 8-10 weeks 1 stroke

My income 1 X pension pays my mortgage £503 pm the rest of it £173.58 is all I have left to survive on for a month, Im not entitled to any benefits what so ever the government are more than happy to give it all to other nationalities that are coming in. yes I feel bloody bitter today :'( >:( :o

So this afternoons sestion of sitting in chat did me a bit of good with its lite banter and laughs though the poem I wrote in my web site got a lot of dismayed messages left telling me to not do anything, me thinks they were assuming I was going to do injury to myself, hhehe not bloody likely, to another person maybe

so all in hands of sols now they know damd well ive been ill so getting my sol to see if I can take them to tribunal for acting stupidly awaiting reply :( :(

And sooooo this off my mind Im feeling better. mainly as my head doesnt seem to give a hit.
Hi there Skyelord.

O dear what a mess! I can understand how helpless you feel, we have had to find debts that incurred over 5 years ago to prove our case, whilst they just sit there and do nothing. (other party I mean).

Right lets take this one stage at a time.

You are the Respondent, so its you who has to respond to her and her lawyers.
So up to today what is it you have heard? Have you received a letter telling you of a court date? If so what is the Court hearing? 1st appointment? FDR? FH? From the above you are not clearly making sense, but don’t get me wrong I totally understand, but in order for me to help you I need you to take all the emotional stuff out of your post and lets just get to the facts.
By that I mean.....

You separated in 2000, after 26 years of marriage.
You say she is an alcoholic, do you have any proof of this? (it will help at any hearing in which she tries to discredit you.)
You have all the proof of everything where your solicitors are concerned they have to keep everything for at least 6 years. Ask them for the file.
Do you have any proof of her violent behaviour towards you? I.E. did you ever go and see a Doctor or seek medical attention at the time of all this? If so write and ask for your records.
To prove the debts you were both in and that you have paid them, write to Experian and Equifax to get your credit report, you can do this online. But in these credit reports you can see all the debts (I think they go back 6 years im not sure but ring them and ask) It will also show the dates when the debts were cleared, so there you will have proof of debts incurred whilst living together , and the dates which presumably you paid them all after she had left, they will also all tie in with the time of re mortgage, the time you pay her 10k ect ect.
Also ring your bank and ask for statements going back to whatever date that shows you took cash out or paid by cheque large sum to give to her. (they have to keep all records for 6 years also)

You really need to do all this in a check list form and slowly work through it, take your time and be thorough, DO NOT ALLOW it to stress you out please, its just not worth it. What will be will be and for all you have to prove she will have to be answerable too.

In order for any one to help you, we need to know all the facts as they stand today, without any of the emotion if you see what I mean. we need to know what stage your at, what letters you have had from her solicitors, ect ect.
Also for your questions to be answered you really need to be posting in the forum as not everybody reads the blogs.

Try not to worry I know its easier said than done, but most of us on here will help you get through all this .
You stay strong.
Kind ones