Been logging back on of late to find help for a friend going through a bad time. Looking at posts and blogs the amount of heartache in the world continues and the same mistakes are being made.... I could not have tried harder to have an easy divorce but it didn't work out and the outfall rumbles on 15 months after the whole thing was done and dusted.
Good news is that we as a family decided to sit my daughter down and tell her that due to her grandfather's (my ex father in law) stance on a family trust that he is a trustee on we as a family are taking him to court. We explained about the claims he has made on my daughters behalf for funds from the trust at the expense of al other family members. We asked (well I sat schtum) if she was aware and it was obvious from her tears she had no clue. She asked how long it had gone on etc, My mother explained that the once good friends where now at logger heads and it was going to court to have her GF removed as a trustee.
My daughter was lost in what to say other than she had no idea.
We thought it was time you knew my Mum said. After we left she held my hand. We spoke about it a bit and I asked her to explain to her mother that she has known her entitlement since I told her on her 18th birthday and that she is also aware of the trust and its workings. She said "I will e having word with her".... 2 weeks later a letter of resignation has arrived from her father.... 3 years of grief and pain done! This weekend I have to go and see him to get him to sign the forms. Fingers crossed he meant it.
That then will be that...
One of my biggest regrets is the pain and hassle our separation has caused my mother. I have seen enough tears. However she has remarried last year and just moved from my childhood family home to a beautiful place near the sea with her new hubby. They are blissfully happy but... 6 hours away now! she is living her life to the full after receiving some worrying health news and I fully encourage it all. Though the future is a worry but for now she is all smiles.
Me... still battling with it all. Bitterness haunts me. Cant let it go as everyone says I should. Still letting her yank my chain on occasion. I am learning to manage that a bit.
Still failing in forging the relationship I would like with my daughter however I found replies to my last blog post very helpful. Especially the experiences of someone who has lived in my daughters shoes. I have stopped trying to force things and am trying to nudge her towards at least letting me know what she wants to do. her 21st remains a mystery... Not made a decision yet dad... I know she will be going away as her parents struggle to be civil to each other. Somewhat upsetting but inevitable. Accepting responsibility for that is tough.
been thinking of starting some correspondence with the ex re our daughter and written it three times so far.... deleted it every time. next week maybe.
Looking forward to seeing my daughter this weekend. being Dad the chef and enjoying some time at the cinema and generally chilling out with her and my lovely GF. great to see them getting on so well... in fact I don't get a word in!
Lots of life worries but the biggest and the most depressing life is I hope nearing an end.
Onwards n Upwards.
Have a great weekend.
(((E))) I am sorry your daughter had to go through this and I do understand how our divorces have affected so many others and not just ouselves. Silver lining is that hopefully due to your daughter knowing now, she has made your ex and her family see how selfish and unjust they've been. Your honesty with your daughter will no doubt forge a stronger bond and connection too as she begins to put all the pieces together.
I hope there will be closure for you soon. Divorce and all that comes with it leaves us with so many wounds and yes to some extent we do heal, but the scars remain. Hopefully we can live with them and get on with life productively and find some happiness too.
Your mum sounds like an inspirational woman .... she's shown us that we can find a slice of that elusive happiness even at a later stage in life . so Hope for us all :-).
I hope you enjoy the weekend with your daughter and that your ex finally does the right thing!