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Learning to let go

Hiwthi
Updated
I still get little sharp stabbing pains in the heart, stbx seems to be in her going out a lot phase of separation. Separation from me, separation from OM. The I'm single so I'll be 21 again phase I guess. Friday nights out with her work friends. She would be the one to always drive as she never really drinks. Last two weeks it's been cabs knocking on the door for her. She went out Friday and my heart sank. I'm trying to let go and not think about it but this time it got me. I was laying on the sofa with my 2 year old reading her a story and all I wanted to do was burst into tears. I had thoughts of her in nightclubs with men coming on to her it was a bit much to take. She was home by 11 so it couldn't of been a great night. I'm working on letting go of this and trying to distract my mind but sometimes it's hard. Today I've had the girls, she has laid in bed all day and now has just gone out. It still hurts but I'll get there. I took the girls to see my parents and went out for lunch, when we got back my eldest was writing in a book and then said its a secret book and I'm not aloud to look. Ok darling. Of course I did and the little sentence if 'my mum and dad have broke up' still hurts me to the core. She also asked when we could go on holiday. All I can say is I don't know sweetheart. It hurts. On a positive note I have some really good days, where I'm quite happy positive for the future, it can turn very quickly to sadness but I'm learning how not to let it engulf me so much. I've made new friends, something I would never of bothered doing before. It is still the biggest thing I need to work on the thought of her being a stranger but I will get there. Hope you are all having a peaceful Sunday.

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Hey Hiwthi

I remember turning up at my ex's house to pick the kids up and she was standing there in the £300 coat I bought her about to go out with a new man and asked me if I wanted to meet him. I think I broke down in tears for days over that one. Now I look back and feel sorry for her. Why would she do that to someone that she had been with for over a decade and in as much pain as I was. Crazy! Keep strong and keep cooking! I hope that you can get out of that house soon though and start a new life.
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Oh I know she's not having a ball that's for sure. The last 2 days she's been off of work and crying in her room. Oh well.
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it may seem like shes having a ball but shes not. most likely she is being a little reckless. That's her way of coping. its not healthy but its her way. As Hiwthi said she wont gain any happiness from it.

You do what is right for you and try find a distraction that will provide you comfort. At the mo, i'm using this site.

Best of luck
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I just don't know how you endure this, and am still grateful I only had 2 weeks of it - having to share deal with your own hurt and your girls' confusion and watching your wife party on like she is 18 years old without any responsibilities. It might look like she's having a ball but I can't believe that this can lead to any kind of lasting happiness, it sounds rather tragic! Hang in there Hiwthi.
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Thoughts are with you friend. I'm currently on the sofa, have been for a while now, and watching your wife go out to relive her youth is a particularly painful experience, due to the facts that you alluded to: images of who was once yours with others, it cuts like a knife, that much I do know.
Make the most of those moments with the kids,as painful as they're, they're the moments that make all the other nonsense fade away, if only for a brief while.
Some days I'm on top of it, others I'm awash with strong emotions that make me want to scream, breakdown or lashout, or all of the above.
My 3 kids are my reason for being, I thought it was my whole family, but my wife has showed that I was wrong to selflessly put her before all others; pulled the plug on a 16yr relationship, no explanation or consideration for all of us concerned! Offered to go to counselling but was rebuffed.
So no doubt it'll be a long road, but with the help and support from those around you, or those on this site, you'll get the support you need.
My thoughts are with you, be strong and hopefully for you and I things will become easier in time ;)
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Hiwthi sending out hugs to you (()). It bought tears to my eyes about your little girl's book. How sweet of her, but how sad also. I guess this is her way of dealing with it.

I agree about the little battles, try and let them go, a hard thing to do I know. I will let you into a secret, I fed my kids takeaways for quite a few weeks in the early days. It's good you can cook for your girls though. Well done.

I still feel for you living with your ex. This can't help your situation. But hold in there you're doing really well. It's great you are having some really good days - soon those days will join up into a really good month, and so on. Last week apart from Saturday I would say I've had my best week yet. So you will get there and soon I hope.

Take care
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Hi Hiwthi. I really feel for you as I do not see how you can really go through the process of "letting go" whilst not physically separating. It must be torture for you being aware of all her movements whilst you are in the same house . I understand it may not be financially viable or advisable for you to move from the marital home. It has to make a difficult process a whole lot more difficult for you. I think, for me the real turning point and one which has really enabled me to "let go" has been moving into a rented apartment. It is good that you are making new friends and I suppose in your position you have to try and make as much of a new life for yourself as is possible in the situation with an eye to your own future.
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P.S, I think deep down I still worry about her, want to look out for her keep her safe. She's not being a great mother ATM. The girls are living off of KFC and McDonald's the nights I'm not here to cook. I don't like it but have learned to not fight the little battles as the wise wikis told me. Not very nice for them to have to live line that though. She hasn't cooked them a meal in months.