Had a meeting with my solicitor this morning to discuss various things.
Firstly, the house transfer into my name. We are just awaiting his signature on the documents, now there is a surprise. Hopefully he will just sign them but no doubt it will be in his own time.
I am still waiting for him to sign my life insurance over to me. I am the one paying the premium every month and he is the one that would benefit from my death. I need to know that there is at least a small amount of money set aside for the children if anything should happen to me (I have looked at replacing the policy but it was not financially viable).
Until this is in place I cannot write a will. While the deeds remain in joint names I guess there is still that in question as well.
My solicitor even said tongue in cheek to watch my back until all this was signed over to me, lol.
He has ignored requests from the CSA regarding a re-assessment and they are now trying to clarify whether his overtime is a regular thing (it is when he isn't asking for the CSA to re-assess him to reduce his payments). He has ignored letters from my solicitor asking to provide further financial assistance to keep a roof over his children's heads. After all, they didn't take the fact that he is co-habiting and his sneaky re-assessment by the CSA into account when they assessed him for SM and he still gave me less than the 1 1/3rd rule they use as a base line.
My solicitor sees that we have little choice but to apply to the court for a variation of the consent order, asking for more SM and also that he sign my life insurance over to me. It is stupid, it is going to cost me yet more money as a charge on the house that I am struggling to save from reposession. I will soon be in negative equity if I end up selling or being reposessed. What kind of a settlement is that. He has a nice, growing NHS Pension Plan while I have the possibility of a reposession debt hanging over my head.
OK, so onto the Non-Molestation Order. My solicitor says that she was in court the morning of my last hearing and that the judge was in a foul mood, great! I explained the situation as it currently stands and she is of the same opinion as me, that we should now just let it drop. It is evident that no amount of police warnings or court orders are going to stop his behaviour.
She has said that she will write to the court and make them aware of my position, although I will still have to attend court on 16th October to close the case. She is also writing again to my ex to once again clarify that I want no contact with him whatsoever other than emails regarding the children and minimal face to face contact at pick up and drop off only pertaining to the children.
She said that I can provide this to the court and ask that they re-iterate the points in this letter as a close to the matter (although I am not holding my breath that it will make the slightest bit of difference).
He does still get to me but only at the point of contact now. I have close friends who get me through these times and hopefully either I will learn to handle those times better or my ex will tire. I am sure it will have to be me that adapts, not him change though. I can wake up the next morning and lay the matter to rest now. I no longer make excuses for his behaviour I just accept that he is one of life's baddies for want of a better word.
I now suffer panic attacks when he intimidates me but I think these were to scare me into facing my demons and saying enough is enough. My true friends understand what he does to me and are there to support me at the drop of a hat. I have a new man in my life and he gives me strength and fills my days with sunshine. It is hard to feel low when I think of him.
Call it moving on, acceptance, tolerance, giving up the fight; whatever it is I have had to do it for my sanity and emotional well being. I have realised this now, thanks to a few special friends who know who they are.
The fight isn't over. I can see more months of uncertainty with regards housing and finances. I just hope he knows what he is doing to his children. One day I will show him how happy I am and that will have to be my 2 fingers up to him and my sham of a marriage.
Lets just hope when Sarah Mk2 says "I Do" on the 6th November that she knows what she is letting herself in for. (Although maybe they deserve each other - what sort of woman has an affair with a man who's wife is pregnant or just given birth and has 4 other small children?)