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Meeting with solicitor

I Updated

Had a meeting with my solicitor this morning to discuss various things.

Firstly, the house transfer into my name. We are just awaiting his signature on the documents, now there is a surprise. Hopefully he will just sign them but no doubt it will be in his own time.

I am still waiting for him to sign my life insurance over to me. I am the one paying the premium every month and he is the one that would benefit from my death. I need to know that there is at least a small amount of money set aside for the children if anything should happen to me (I have looked at replacing the policy but it was not financially viable).

Until this is in place I cannot write a will. While the deeds remain in joint names I guess there is still that in question as well.

My solicitor even said tongue in cheek to watch my back until all this was signed over to me, lol.

He has ignored requests from the CSA regarding a re-assessment and they are now trying to clarify whether his overtime is a regular thing (it is when he isn't asking for the CSA to re-assess him to reduce his payments). He has ignored letters from my solicitor asking to provide further financial assistance to keep a roof over his children's heads. After all, they didn't take the fact that he is co-habiting and his sneaky re-assessment by the CSA into account when they assessed him for SM and he still gave me less than the 1 1/3rd rule they use as a base line.

My solicitor sees that we have little choice but to apply to the court for a variation of the consent order, asking for more SM and also that he sign my life insurance over to me. It is stupid, it is going to cost me yet more money as a charge on the house that I am struggling to save from reposession. I will soon be in negative equity if I end up selling or being reposessed. What kind of a settlement is that. He has a nice, growing NHS Pension Plan while I have the possibility of a reposession debt hanging over my head.

OK, so onto the Non-Molestation Order. My solicitor says that she was in court the morning of my last hearing and that the judge was in a foul mood, great! I explained the situation as it currently stands and she is of the same opinion as me, that we should now just let it drop. It is evident that no amount of police warnings or court orders are going to stop his behaviour.

She has said that she will write to the court and make them aware of my position, although I will still have to attend court on 16th October to close the case. She is also writing again to my ex to once again clarify that I want no contact with him whatsoever other than emails regarding the children and minimal face to face contact at pick up and drop off only pertaining to the children.

She said that I can provide this to the court and ask that they re-iterate the points in this letter as a close to the matter (although I am not holding my breath that it will make the slightest bit of difference).

He does still get to me but only at the point of contact now. I have close friends who get me through these times and hopefully either I will learn to handle those times better or my ex will tire. I am sure it will have to be me that adapts, not him change though. I can wake up the next morning and lay the matter to rest now. I no longer make excuses for his behaviour I just accept that he is one of life's baddies for want of a better word.

I now suffer panic attacks when he intimidates me but I think these were to scare me into facing my demons and saying enough is enough. My true friends understand what he does to me and are there to support me at the drop of a hat. I have a new man in my life and he gives me strength and fills my days with sunshine. It is hard to feel low when I think of him.

Call it moving on, acceptance, tolerance, giving up the fight; whatever it is I have had to do it for my sanity and emotional well being. I have realised this now, thanks to a few special friends who know who they are.

The fight isn't over. I can see more months of uncertainty with regards housing and finances. I just hope he knows what he is doing to his children. One day I will show him how happy I am and that will have to be my 2 fingers up to him and my sham of a marriage.

Lets just hope when Sarah Mk2 says "I Do" on the 6th November that she knows what she is letting herself in for. (Although maybe they deserve each other - what sort of woman has an affair with a man who's wife is pregnant or just given birth and has 4 other small children?)

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The insurance only covered my life not his. He cancelled his insurance as soon as we split, even the one covering the mortgage.

I just have to find ways to move on, and seems financially the only way is court.

Control wise, I guess I just have to find ways to show him that he can no longer intimidate me and that he needs to find someone else to control.

Hi Sarah
You really have been through alot. But you are coping well
I must admit I took out life insurance once. When I was 18 and conned into taking it out as I was wrongly told it was an endowment. I cancelled it after 3 years when I realised what it was. I had no children at the time. As a general rule you get get nothing back if cancelled in the first 2 years,half of what has been paid in after 3, all of it at 4 years, and a bit extra after 4. Anyway if it is in both your names do you get the cash if he 'kicks the oxygen habit !' . That would solve all your problems. lol
May as well mention that the only way I psychologicaly and physically managed to get to the magistrates court to take out a non-mol was because he was locked in a police cell for a couple of nights. I realise it does not carry the weight of a restraining order but makes me feel better and carries a maximum 5 year prison term if not complied with. The ex was in court today charged with common assault against me. He got sentenced to 2 years anger management and costs. That is one lot of his bail conditions gone. I now have only a non-mol and his other set of bail conditions to protect me. What will happen????......to me.....you...
Anyway nice to chat to you
and wishing you best of luck in everything and all you do xxxx
The policy is not an endowment, it is simply a death benefit policy so there is no cash in value, even if there was, he would be entitled to half as a joint policy holder. Sadly it was not included in my financial settlement I guess because there is no cash in value.

As for the Non-Mol, wish it was that easy. I had a no notice Injunction granted back in January and this was downgraded to an Undertaking as is usual in these cases. I applied to extend it when it ran out at the beginning of August and this is what I am struggling with as my ex will now not accept another Undertaking.

I really can't fight it any more when the last 6 months has made no difference to his behaviour. Financially I cannot fight it any more and emotionally, if you knew me like some on here, I can't do it any more either.

He no longer effects me every day it is just harder to handle at point of contact now as I have begun to suffer panic attacks. I have to learn to live with his behaviour as he will never change, that is a sad fact of life.

Glad to hear you happier.
Can you not simply cash in and cancel the policy??? Even if it means a slight loss easiest thing to do. You can always take out a new one. The policy is YOURS. Call tomorrow. Cancel it. Get the cheque in 2 days. Take out a new one.
I still can't understand the non-mol situation.
The police are not sympathetic (in my area anyway) to the victim with regards to any kind of domestic abuse. I think you need the non-mol. Cost £60. Do it yourself tomorrow. Only need one text or voicemail as evidence. Is your peace of mind you are paying for and that is priceless. You can specify you do not want any more abusive texts or voicemails only. Does not mean you can't have contact.
Nice to know you are in a loving relationship now.
Maybe that day will come for me sometime.
Wishing you lots of luck and really enjoy reading your blogs xxx
p.s. sorry if I come across as a bit blunt and am speaking out of turn. Feel like I am writting this to myself! My ex is better but still troubling me a bit and I need to be firmer about it.

He is ther only other policy holder and the only beneficiary. He has to agree to sign the deed of assignment or he is set to gain £150k if I die. Most fathers would happily sign the deed to allow their children to be the beneficiaries of any policy but not him, he only thinks about himself. His philosophy is "Me, myself and I".

We have been asking for this to be signed over for nearly a year now and thought that after divorce the company would re-assign it on production of the Absolute but not to be.

xx Sarah xx
((Iknownow)) Is there a chance you could re-write your life policy in trust to your children?
I know HIS was to me but in trust to the kids if something also happened to me.
It's only paperwork at the end of the day. You will get there soon.