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My Children have issues too??

S Updated

Spent the evening having a real heart to heart with my eldest ..she seems to believe that if her Dad my X2b were to hitch up with any other woman..that she would simply kill her..and if there was a baby from the relationship that she would kill it too...

So blunt and honest but so very worrying..do I have a mentally ill 11 year old?..I tried rationalising her feelings with her, tried to make her understand that she should be angry at us the parents..but no...she only wants to punish any person who will take her Dad on after me. She quite honestly believes that no person should ever fall in love with a once married man, should never venture there, should never be allowed to be happy if they do and no-one should take my, her or her sisters place.

I feel so angry at myself for not realising the hurt that she is enduring quietly manifesting into a murder plot..

I looked at a photo of my two girls this morning...at a time when no one knew we would be here today..and it broke my heart..With her words ringing in my ears "I just want it to be normal again, forever".

So I'm off for some advice tomorrow..and will not stop until I get the help she needs..

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Thankyou so much for your thoughts..in fact I feel relieved that I was not chastised for failing my daughter..Scottish Lady thankyou so much for sharing..it helps me to understand issues that perhaps my daughter is unable to express yet.

I can only say I'm so glad that our daughters can talk to us..but it is knowing how to help them without dragging our own problems with X2B into the equation.

Sadie my daughter actually expressed the wish to speak to a school counceller as she had seen the posters at school...I am going to ring them to set it up for her..

But is is apparent that as much as I keep everything of the problems between me and X2B out of our daily life..the children know and feel far more than we give them credit for.
S
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I think one of the hardest things for a child can be the point at which one parent has a child with their new partner. With a lot of care it can work out (and step-siblings can be very close and supportive of each other) but you can imagine how they might feel replaced.

I don't think your daughter is mentally ill but she is upset. You could try and get her some counselling. Try your GP or her school - lots of secondary schools have a school counsellor. Children need time to heal just as we do, and it's easy to forget that when we are ourselves in a bad state.

Good luck to you both,

Sadie
S
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Yes...... I totally understand.....
During all my emotional issues....I have 'failed' to recognise the turmoil our 22 year old daughter is going through.....
She still lives at home with us (sorry - me).....
She absolutely worships her dad, and I still believe that he feels the same for her (although he may have forgetten momentarily)....
she thinks that her dad now has a 'new' life with someone else, somewhere else, and she is of the belief that he will forget about her.... his 'new' family will take priority, and all the love and security that she has always known is now gone......
she said to me the other evening...."who will walk me down the aisle?"....."what will I tell my children about their grandad?"..... it broke my heart - I didn't know the answers......
I tried to reassure her that her dad still did love her.... and that things would 'settle down'.... and she would be able to have a relationship with him again..... she said.... "but it will never be the same will it?"....................no
S