A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

New Home For Me!

R Updated
I haven't been on here for quite a while...I have been tied up with getting the FH sold to settle the divorce settlement (61.5% in my favour yay!!). The house was the sticking point. I lived in it with my eldest daughter. It increased in value by almost double in the 2.5 years I owned it (jointly). One of the benefits of living in London I guess. The cost of living in London is another thing.. Not for today. But it helped to know I could recoup some of the losses. Eventually, the house sold - it needed work and the couple buying were first time buyers and quite cautious about it all.. It's surprisingly hard living in a place for over a year when you want to move on... having to keep it spotless and house hunter friendly with no help from rather nomadic daughter..when all I was getting from the ex was 'I want the money'!! Usual stuff I guess. The divorce cost me all my savings so I was forced to borrow enough money to find a flat nearby (I didn't want to lose the area as I have made friends and feel I belong there for now)it's an interest only loan...I'll have to sell and move out of London when I stop working at some point as its more than I will ever be able to repay but I've sort of accepted that. I don't want to be an OAP in London anyhow.. I'm going to go to the West Country where youngest daughter lives.I now have a life plan. I was up till this point just being re-active..being hit by blow after blow. Now, I'm able to see a pathway out of trouble. First time!! I feel a sense of control. the anxiety of trying to work out where I could afford, how could I afford it..boy! That was difficult. I never thought that being 54 would feel so full of teenage angst and uncertainty. Felt like I was as naieve as I was at 18! I can't tell you all how excited I now feel after all the crap of the past years is starting to become really 'in the past'.. Somehow I feel almost at the finish line/starting gate... Moving into a new place wil allow me to cut the bonds once and for all. My ex and I never talk..only corosive emails on her part about moving out of the FH even if I had nowhere to move into - just to secure a sale. Such a lovely human being..and to think I loved her totally. That's really the point of this letter..I'm still not over it in the same way as you dont get over a bereavement. You learn to live with it and within its impact. I wonder, at this juncture, will I ever trust anyone enough ever again to want to share my life. I'm hoping.. I'm positive that in my new place.. with my mark on things I will find the space emotionally to finally be free of her legacy.. I've joined several clubs..I run clubs myself.. I date.. I socialise. I'd like to feel the weight of the divorce lifted but maybe it's still a bit too soon (for me). This is truly been the hardest 9 years of my life one way or another. I only hope that the next nine I reap the rewards of the wisdom I've learnt going through this. I recall at the beginning using this site to share my utter devastation. It helped.So many are hurting so much. Thanks to the forum I feel I have been able to offload in a positive way and so thanks to you all for listening.

User comments

To write a comment please register or
Hi i know how you are feeling last week and out of the blue after being married for 28 yers my wife said she has filed for divorce, feel broken.try to keep smiling. :)
Hi I think I am going to be in a similar situation to you and I am so scared. my husband told me last week that he no longer loves me and that he wants to move out. Like you I live on the outskirts of London and I know that I will not be able to afford to stay in my beautiful house that we have spent the past 2 years renovating. He says I can have the house and he will continue to pay the mortgage or I can sell it and buy something mortgage free but i am not convinced. I feel he will eventually tell me he wants his share once our daughter moves out (which probably won't be long). If he wants his share will it be divided 50/50? I am in complete shock right now and so hurt by his reaction about leaving. I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together - I guess he has met someone else! I never thought that at 49 and 26 years of marriage I would be dealing with this. So many plans and dreams for the future are all gone and I am completely heartbroken I don't know how I can continue.