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No saint

E Updated
I am fascinated by all the talk on wiki and elsewhere about Xs. I do not of course exclude myself! I no longer think about him ALL THE TIME, but still. Why are we so concerned with them and what they are up to, post divorce? Why do we want them to be unhappy? His being happy takes nothing away from me. Why can’t we both be happy? It must be some form of revenge. Yet it’s odd how often we hear gloating about how bad the x is looking, or that his or her shiny new relationship has not lasted. My x is looking relatively a million dollars since he left me and it is not surprising, since he no longer has a care in the world and can devote himself to his appearance. It would be nice if I had kept off the divorce diet weight loss, but no such luck. But that is for me, not because I want to SHOW HIM. I hear people saying they want their Xs to experience hurt, in retribution for the hurt they have doled out. I’m no saint, but I don’t have that feeling. And they want them to realise what they have lost. I don’t share that either. I do want him to realise what he has done. To me and the children. But I can’t really explain why. I suppose because I feel that he has commited a huge injustice and I want him and anyone stupid to have been taken in by him to know the truth. Or should we say, ‘my side of the story’. Because after all, what is the truth? Actually, I would love to know what he really does think. What he has been telling others, and what he has been telling himself and how he can justify some of the things he has done. And then other times I don’t give a ****. And here I am, talking about the X again.

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After all the hurt and pain, anger took over for a while and I confess I wanted my ex to suffer, to not be so arrogant and for his new relationship with my ex friend to fail. Who didn't smile at the story of the wife who delivered her ex's best wines to the doorsteps round the village?

Even though I had those vengeful thoughts my focus has been on reaching a place where I could feel better, as I knew they wouldn't last forever.

You've been really, really justifiably angry at times Eliza, like a pressure cooker about to explode. Your husband acted in an extremely selfish manner and you felt he deserved bad things to happen to him. But now it's about Eliza being awesome.

Embracing our anger serves a purpose but there comes a point when we don't want to waste any more time thinking about the ex. I have learned that the only way out of this emotional turmoil is to go through it. Let it flow, realise it won't last for ever and then move past all thoughts of revenge. Becoming indifferent is an empowering moment.

As a bonus, your ex gets to stay bodily intact!

M
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Hi Eliza. After spending far too much time thinking about him and trying to understand what had happened I now know it is a complete waste of time and energy. We will never see things the same - for some the truth is very malleable and effort spent trying to understand can be likened to trying to get hold of a jellyfish. For me this was illustrated perfectly when after spending a great deal of time, effort and solicitors fees in reaching what was believed to be agreement in open letters between solicitors the agreement was then revoked and I was told it was "open to interpretation". One of many light bulb moments for me. As has been said any times on here getting to point of indifference or of 'someone I used to know' is the answer for me.
A
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Blanket?wtf...Blamer...Lol x
A
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I was actually reading about relationships last night,and the article stated a classic sign of a blanket and not accepting any blame,was to listen to the person talk about previous relationships,be those serious or casual.If they are still in contact with those Ex's etc.

I really think they are correct,and maybe we should all be aware for the future.Yes it took a while and many hurdles along the way,but finally at a truce with Twonk,and yes we do contact each other,the other Ex's in my life?some I know would still be there for me,as I for them.
Let's be frank,how can we spend so many years with a person,shared so many things and then have no contact....
Maybe I am wrong but if a person can cut you out of their life,they are not worth having you there in the first place...

Sometimes we cannot see the wood for the trees,but I am glad that for me,we are in a truce
A
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Just a thought.....

Sadly I still think of him far too much for my own good. I don't wish him ill but there was a song in the charts recently that contained the line 'I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me'. There I think lies the truth, it certainly sums me up. How dare he be happy without me when I am still so sad without him.

Perhaps until we are happy in ourselves thoughts of what our ex's are doing/thinking/feeling will still haunt us.
D