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On the subject of small talk

A Updated


OK, never been one with a gift of the gab, always had to think about what I'm going to say, or maybe, always made myself think about what I was going to say.

I was in the lift at work the other day and a very attractive (way out of my league, thankfully not my type) lady got in. So, I'm standing there thinking "OK, talk to her, practise your conversational approach".


So I said "good morning". To which she answered "Hello".


And that was it. The sum total of 40 years of vocabulary learning used up in two words.


Marvellous. My English teacher would be proud.


So what is the deal then? I am normally eloquent to a fault, I normally over explain things, use far too many words when few would suffice. Why can't I think of things to say when confronted by beauty? And I don't just mean physical beauty, if Iknow a lady and think she's a "beautiful person" then I struggle. It's not that I'm tongue tied, mouth works fine, it's my brain that falls over.

So I'm going to practise small talk. First barrier to overcome is what exactly is it and what could you say in the situation above. You're in the lift for no more than 20 seconds so can't be anything "big".

Brain hurts again, too much thinking, I think......



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APM,what does 'out of my league' mean anyway?Since when have there been league tables? If there are then i am in veterans or sunday league.
Life is far too short to worry just smile and say hello to everyone, shyness in a man can be very attractive to some women so nothing to lose.
Stop worrying and start living and remember to smile :) :)harrietbaby
well, your blog sure did make me smile as you sound just like me! I used to be able to hold conversations properly without blushing and stammering like a complete fool :D. That girl got lost somewhere in the last 20 years...... but hopefully with a bit of practice, and checking out the answers posted here, I'll find her again :D
I love this post! It made me gigle:)
From my experience "easy talkers" aren't the best "partners"…so even thought I will enjoy small talk time to time…I will be very cautious about that kind of men…
After bad marriage and few bad relationship experiences I wonder where all the good guys are (there have to be some right, RIGHT?;). Maybe they just have trouble with "breaking the ice" as you say…
So maybe for the beginning…genuine smile and "hello" could be enough…

Andrew, you don't want to try too hard, just go with the flow. Just your personality talks for you. I guess i have never had a problem starting up a conversation, although I do think I have little self-confidence when it comes to speaking to people. Being lost for words is not a natural occurence for me was the comment i got the other day from someone who has only know me for a few months (you will know who i mean) but sometimes that is as much of a problem as not being able to say anything at all. You are you and that is what you want someone to be attracted to, whether as a friend or something more. We all need to be who we are, and not pretend to be something we think people want us to be. That maybe why we are in the position we now find ourselves in. I can sense that you are a warm, friendly man and that has got to be a good a starting point as any. Read something the other day about your personality being your public persona and your character being your private persona and it should be your private persona that you want the people close to you to know. Some would say that is quite profound - worth thinking about?
Gee, shucks..... Thanks HRM.

To be honest, I didn't mean it in the shallow 'pick a girl up just for a, ahem, date' kind of way. I meant the ice breaking process, you know, just to get started with talking to someone in order to get to know them, etc. etc. Obviously, you have to be able to start somewhere.

I have spoken to a couple of ladies on here and as you say, it would appear that the polished but just so obvious 'chat up' approach doesn't work and I'm happy about that.

Still means I need to break the ice somehow though. And talking about the weather is so lame!!!!!
Andrew...some people naturally have the gift of the gab..others are not so spontaneously quick with throw away lines.My guess is that at least 75% of the women on this site have been married to ar*****es with the gift of the gab and they're glad to be shot of him.
We don't know each other but I do know from chat and your blogs etc that you are a genuinely nice guy-The type we all wish we'd married the first time round..Amen!!
You know what they say, practise makes perfect! Know the feeling though, I'm not much good at small talk either.