I am not quite sure how I am feeling but it's different and its new. I think I am beginning to really get that life can be half decent. This internal quietness has followed an extremely painful period where a storm of grief arrived out of the blue. It was triggered by the pain of Easter, the pain of the ex and ow up the road, not being with my family etc. it was quite frankly a horrible Easter and the real low came in on Tuesday (sounds like the weather doesn't it). I treated this window of grief a bit differently, in fact I prefer the storm to the constant low mood. I sat up nearly all night and really went into it instead of the usual detour into netflix. I really tried to work out what was going on and what I needed to do to heal more as I have felt very stuck. I was having this internal dialogue. I did come out of it with some fresh insights. Things like it was time to pass over the ex's paperwork of which there was loads. The girls took it round to him when he was up again. I really didn't need his mother's house sale docs in my filing cabinet, for example. This paperwork process gave me a feeling of passing over some responsibility to him as I feel I have carried too much and he too little. I then realised that I needed to speak to the ow's husband. He was once my friend and we both seem to have been frozen into non-communication since his wife set up with my ex husband. It was just too awful to speak about. He may not want to speak to me but I will try. I also felt that I was carrying all the stress of selling the house - fielding estate agent calls, clearing/ cleaning before viewings and so on. I had been worried about no offers so I sent the ex a long, polite email voicing all my concerns and suggesting ways forward. I felt a lot better after this. I realised I felt shame about the awful state of the garden and that it would be healing to really turn this round. I have been working hard at it for the last couple of days now and it's lovely to see how quickly one can improve a garden. It's not like the washing up! I feel close to my beloved father who died just over 2 years ago as we used to garden with him as children. I miss him a lot but I have felt his voice encouraging me out there in the garden. I have also taken the bold step of dumping a monstrosity that the ex had made which has rotted away in the back garden. I don't like throwing away things people have made but it felt empowering getting rid of this. It's funny how much stuff belonging to one's ex can be lingering around. I think I was trying to hold onto the past really and only now can I let these things go. Not too painful. Anyway I just wanted to let you know what's been occurring in my neck of the woods.
Stem,as I always say,"It takes as long as it takes"we are all differant,unique to us,and when it's the time for us to change our perspective on ourselves,we do,so maybe your now at that time?
I certainly hope so,because when we have control of our lives,we begin the healing process.Also,by handing some of the responsibility over to him,will free you up to concentrate on yourself more.
When times were hard,I heard my parents also,letting me know I would be okay,I would get through it all,after all I was their daughter,they gave me courage,they empowered me with my strength,so I understand about your Dad xx
Regarding the OM,try to open up the lines of communication,your both the innocents in all of this,and it's a shame that your friendship has been so badly damaged,hopefully that will work out.
I too have been wondering what the monstrosity was! I am kind of hoping you don't tell us as thinking about what it might be made me smile.
You sound like a very strong, independent person from your post. It is great that you can lose yourself in the garden like that. Getting rid of the leaves and the dead wood, literally and metaphorically speaking. Keep going - it sounds very therapeutic.
Hello Stem, thanks for posting. Glad you are coming out of a low and making a lot of progress by the sounds of it. Putting me to shame, although I am doing a car boot sale tomorrow - loads of old tat piling up today ready for an early start tomorrow. I recommend it if you've never tried: it can be fun if the weather is reasonable and you have someone with you. And you will come home having met some interesting folk, cleared some rubbish (drop what remains at a charity shop on the way home) and with a few bob in your pocket.
Well done for working in the garden and clearing paperwork!
Glad to hear you've made some progress and sorted the garden and some paperwork. I had a rough time over Easter too, thinking of the kids with their dad and OW. I hope the OW's ex talks to you, why shouldn't he? You both have been hurt by the same people and he must have gone through hell too. I wonder what the "monstrosity" was? If it's flammable that could be cathartic ;) x
Hi Stem. Glad that you are now feeling life can be half decent. I can relate to that sense of feeling 'stuck' and whilst going through process of house sale/move at times felt overwhelmed with what I had to do. I have also felt a sense of empowerment in getting rid of "stuff" (lots of it) and have seen it as a step in letting go of the past.