Now I know that common wisdom teaches us on Wiki to square our shoulders and look resolutely forward whilst establishing a no contact rule with our ex who has no feelings left for us. I agree with this in principle but I have had many a daydream where I visit the new couple and haunt them - a ghost from the past. Yesterday my chance finally came. I couldn't go to the Wiki meet (sorry guys) as a dreadful cold set in and got worse through the day. Later I went to my local station to buy my weekly ticket. On the platform I suddenly saw my ex and his ow struggling with gigantic suitcases. His mother lives locally so they must have left the car near her as normally they live by the seaside. I moved towards them and they could not get past me as they were weighed down with their luggage (a trip to Morocco). We then got a few things of our chest. The ow was my old friend. I was able to work through with them the last few awful months with my ex and his drinking. I also told her that I felt she had been opportunistic in moving in on him one month after we were living apart. She got very aggressive with me around money and I replied that of course her relationship with my ex would have some bearing at the final hearing and that 3 nights a week counts as co-habitation. He called it a public humiliation to which I answered where's the public (no-one there). He threatened to call the police and I replied that I would be even more dependent if I was charged with anything. I was able to suggest that they think about others a little more in the family....whilst they were out having a ball- Gambia in December, Morocco in March, who knows where at Easter..our family and hers had not had a holiday at all. She accused me of ruining his credit rating, and then we discovered that he hasn't registered himself on the electoral role. (He is probably evading the community charge). She accused me of poisoning my kids against her and so on. You know, it was necessary for me to confront them. Their image had become too powerful in my mind and I felt I had to face the reality. It has helped me. I feel freer, less worried about seeing them together. I don't like them anymore...I think I feel more contempt rather than anger. I hope I have got things moving on the divorce front too as he has only made 2 offers in a year whilst I have made 7. She accused me of dragging things out and I was able to compare and contrast our activity/ non-activity in the process. I suggested he make a decent offer rather than waste more money on a final hearing. His unspoken tactic has been to starve me out...just wait for the bills to eat me alive. The car bill has nearly finished me off but I'm still hanging in there. He may also simply have been fully engaged in the ow. Yes I saw his indifference to me and his protection towards her but you know what I am much better off without him and she is welcome to what he has become. He was terrified and I saw that his hands were shaking....good. He had been too cowardly to tell me face to face about his new relationship last year. I had to find out through my daughter!
You Rule :-) Gold Star for Stem. Things I like; rebuffing the whinges 'what about us' b00-f8cking-ho, moans about credit rating and not flinching when the Police are mentioned. You destroyed their fantasy, you weren't suppossed to be at the train station and you challenged them and they fell. I did confronted OM back in November..what a pathetic POS he is. Revel in it Stem... XXX
Actually I think I am regretting not going down the assault route. Pixy, they say revenge is a dish best served cold but perhaps because we are better than them, it prevents us from really putting the boot in. It must be tempting to tell...Eliza I was completely panic-stricken and wanted to run away but I knew I needed to do this. It was like breaking through into reality and I haven't thought much about them since apart from recounting the story. Confronting has helped to calm my internal devils...well, for the moment at least.
Hats off indeed! I have to say that even just reading that made me feel quite panic stricken. If I had been in your shoes I don't know what I would have done. Probably frozen, needed the loo, tried to avoid and felt terrible. Good for you. I really admire you.
I expect you feel better now even if you are maybe still thinking of things you wish you'd said you seem to have got the main points across! Good for you!
Oh I am full of admiration. At one stage I fantasised about meeting the pair of them, but as a classic passive aggressive, I fear the reality might not have been very satisfying. I wanted to humiliate them in a very public place, pour drinks over her head, and like Afon, if it got me a conviction for assault, tough. Now I just wonder about telling her poor deluded husband that the affair continued long after she went back to him (in mind rather than body) or telling her kids that their mother is not the martyred star crossed romantic figure she makes herself out to be but a grubby and predatory little tart.
I surprised myself...it was white rage...ice...you know where your mind works quickly and brilliantly. I did manage to tell her that I had never really liked her and that I had distanced herself as I found her boundaries very poor. I queried what planet was she from that she expected the girls to come quietly and me to give up and in. I said 'Don't you understand that after a break-up, if one spouse almost immediately hooks up with someone else it will cause acrimony. What do you expect...?' It was also very enjoyable in a passive aggressive way to shine some light into those murky areas he has hidden from her'. The next day he told my elder daughter that I needed to get things off my chest and that I am a drama queen!' I doubt anything went in.