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The finger

H Updated
Ok probably not what you think from the title of this post and I'm sure most of you would like to give the finger to all those that have hurt us. But no this is about my wedding ring finger, and what I've noticed. I still go to twirl my ring around my finger when in feeling anxious or nervous and the little shot of pain I get in my stomach is still strong when I remember it's not there anymore. I loved that ring, I loved wearing it it didn't come off my finger once in 8 years. It made me feel safe, content. I was married everybody could see it, it was like a beacon of my life, I always thought everyone could see it, I was grown up, married, kids the works. Now I find myself hiding my hand, my finger, I feel shame that it's not there anymore like everyone can see something is missing. I can still see the slight white mark and slight dent that it left behind. One of the first things I look at on other people now is their wedding finger to see if there is anything there. I can't help it people walking past it's like something pulls me towards their fingers straight away. I miss my ring very much, and I hate the shame I feel, the failure that I feel that it's not there anymore.

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Yeah it's a really hard one. I would never put it back on now but do feel so strange without it. To the point where my finger feels lighter without it, a constant reminder that it's not there anymore. I drive all day with my left hand at the top of the steering wheel so it's right in my face. Every now and then I catch a glimpse of it it's sad.
H
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Oh Hiwthi it is a really hard one isn't it? I took my engagement ring off very quickly but took longer with the wedding ring (months). I was the same, felt naked without it and was always checking out if others had wedding rings on. Perhaps it's easier for women but I bought a cheap silver ring with a simple repeated heart motif as a replacement on my middle finger. I consciously chose it because it reminded me that I am loved by many others (friends and family) even if my ex didn't love me any more. Even if you don't want to wear jewellery, remember that just because one person doesn't want your love anymore, it doesn't mean you are unloveable.
V
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My husband took his off about 6 weeks after he left. That was a really big thing for me to come to terms with, because he had never ever taken it off in the length of our marriage. I think it hit me then how serious things were. I've taken mine off too, but having worn wedding and engagement ring for so long, I still have 'dents' in my finger where they used to sit.... I know they will ultimately fade; it feels very symbolic :(
J
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I couldn't put it back on now that would make it worse. I couldn't sell it. Not now anyway I'd rather throw it in the North Sea. I see what you mean by it causing so much hurt but it meant a lot to me, happy times.
I don't think I could wear another ring. I don't like jewellery but that was different it never once left my finger.
It's silly I know to think that way and I know nobody is taking a blind bit of notice of my finger but I do feel shame that it's not there.
My stbx took hers off while we were still together. She lost a lot of weight and said they were loose and didn't want to lose them, and to be fair they were but I should of seen the signs. I told her to get them made smaller once and she ignored me, obv didn't want to wear them. They are still in my bedside table.
H
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You say you miss it and want your girls to have it do they really want something that has seperated their family?? Why don't you sell it and buy you all matching signet rings that way it is a bond between the three of you and something not tainted by the divorce process
D
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How about changing it for a signet ring?
That's what I intend to do when I can afford it!
T
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I think in on one lever I missed my wedding ring like I'd miss wearing my watch,except the ring has a far greater significance. I just carried on wearing it for a long time. Then I just wore my eternity ring (yes, it had supposed to be for ever!)

Wearing your wedding ring you feel married, you look married and for many of us that felt like security. It also meant you were loved and not wearing it feels like saying you're not a loveable person and in our terms, a failure. At the purely practical level it's gold and you could sell it.

I think you have to do whatever you wish to do. If you miss wearing it and you hate the shame you feel without it, then you should wear it. You'll know when it's the right time to leave it off.
M
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I could sell mine. God knows I need the money but I'd like my girls to have it in the future maybe. It certainly hurts to not be wearing it anymore, it's supposed to circle the vein that goes to you heart I believe. It feels like a vein has been cut that's for sure. As for tattoos I've got her first initial tattooed on my foot. Will have to get that covered up one day. I've looked at it and it could easily be changed into my daughters name so might do that one day.
H
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Yeah, I did the same. used to twirl my wedding ring when I was anxious.

And like you I loved that ring. It had an inscription on it in Elven Script, like the One Ring from Lord Of The Rings, but it was a love poem.

I sold it and used the proceeds to put towards a tattoo. So now the scars from my marriage are on my back. That was my choice. A gentle reminder that some things come at a very high cost.
S