It's Friday, I was feeling ok, work early finish early pick the girls up, have, dinner, play, perfect. But it's not perfect is it, it's far from perfect. Stbx came down this morning and although I try not to eve look at her I see the overnight bag again. Yep she's off out to her party and will sleep over with him tonight, I don't care let her get on with it. But that's a total lie, I do care, it kills me when I see that bag, knowing what she's up to why I sit looking after our little girls. The ache in the pit of my stomach is strong, the tears are but I'm fighting them. She said to me will you answer your phone later I want to speak to the girls before they go to bed. Fine, all if a sudden she wants to speak to them, she never bothered any other time she is out with him. Doing it for my benefit to make me think she's not a bad mum. Hopefully I can lift this dark cloud today, I'll try.
Well the dark cloud is certainly looming today. Can't shake it off, can't stop thinking of stbx out tonight, probably people from school there, while she's with him, and they will probably be happy for her, probably think it's great, 2 teachers together. Bet none of them will be thinking of me, wondering what I'm doing tonight, yep looking after our children. If there's one thing I know from all this it's that people are very 2 faced. Can't stop thinking of the future today either, and the past. Such a long time to spend with one person, so many memories and they all feel tainted now. The thought that one day she is going to look back and think of me and I'll just be the ex husband.