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The true story

L Updated

After reading other peoples blogs and my own again, I felt that I had come across as quite flippant about my seperation and impending divorce.

The truth is when it all happened, I was honestly devastated.

The first I noticed anything was wrong was August bank holiday. He had arranged to go to his Dad's down near Hastings, where his half brother and his girlfriend now live too - on his own without me, which was very unusual- but as I don't really drink and they can drink a small brewery dry, i thought fair enough, so I stayed at home on my own with the arangements that I would pick him up the next day. When I woke up the next morning i had a migraine and there was no way i could drive anywhere, so I phoned him told him to stay another night. He then phoned me at 3pm asking where the hell i was, why hadn't I picked him up etc, so even though i still had a migraine i got up, showered and drove 70 miles to pick him up. Looking back, I'm sure he did that so i thought I was losing the plot. We got home a few hours later and he went to bed as he had a hangover because he had continued drinking that lunchtime before I picked him up. The next day was awful with him being really moody and standing outside shops with his arms folded, not talking etc, so a really good bank holiday Monday.

This behavior went on for a couple of weeks, we had arguments about it and he admitted that he knew he had a problem and he would sort it out and so it went on up and down but it was contstantly wearing me down.

Everybody at work started talking about how moody he was (we work for the same company) and were asking me if I knew what was wrong - i didn't.

By the end of September I had had enough of the whole thing and after a works night out (20/9), I tackled him at 4am - I asked him if he was seeing somebody else, but he said no, i wouldn't do that to you I love you etc and I believed him - why wouldn't i?

That weekend we had a really good time together and I felt that he had finally sorted out whatever was wrong, then on the Monday he started getting really moody again. We were driving to and from work together with him totally ignoring me, he was shouting at me in front of people at work (I am his manager and have never pulled rank), so it was all getting very unpleasant again.

Weekend of 29/9 we were supposed to be going to Eastbourne to see his daughter and her son, but I had to take our car for it's first MOT (it failed and cost £400 for 4 new tyres, which I paid - no change there then) and when I had done all that the last thing I wanted to do was sit in our car with him ignoring me, so I said I wouldn't go. He made a right old fuss and said he would probably go to his Dad's - i never received a call from him so I can only assume that is where he ended up.

The next day, i was dreading him coming home but he called me just after midday - 'Hi darling i'm nearly home do you need anything from the shops?' my answer to this was 'have you had a bang on the head?' which did not go down well. When he got home, he had a hangover and was generally moody until late afternoon when he obviously felt like a 'bit' but I said no way not after the way he had been treating me.

The moods continued that week until the Wednesday when we were in the car on the way home from work and i just pushed and pushed for an answer as to why he was being like this - is it your health - no, is it money - no, is it that you don't love me anymore - total silence. At last we had finally got the truth. I told him if he didn't love me and didn't want to be with me he could move out the following day and go and live with his Dad or Brother. We sat at home that night and made polite conversation - couldn't even talk about what was wrong even at that late stage.

Next day at work was awful and on the way home I told him that he really did have to go - i didn't want him in the house any more. That night I went out as I couldn't bear to be with him and when I got home all the lights were off and he was in the spare room.

Next day, he didn't pack any bags but said he would go to the house later that day and take what he needed. I got home from work that night and he had taken everything of his, all his clothes, personal belongings, photos bank statements golf clubs etc but nothing that belonged to us.

Luckily my friends are fantastic and they were all round my house that night and stayed with me. My neighbour changed all the locks in the house for me - just in case-.

It would have been our 8th anniversary on the Monday, I got to work tried to talk to him but he said he was happy where he was and wanted it to be this way, i went home and phoned solicitors and estate agents. Went to the solicitor on Tuesday with my best friend who gave me lots of advice about trial seperation and mediation etc. That afternoon, I sent him a text to say we needed to talk to sort stuff out and he called me straight away to say he wasn't coming back. I said ok, but at least have the decency to tell me why - he finally admitted he was seeing someone else, like pulling teeth I dragged more info out of him and it was somebody who we both knew who lived in the same town as his Dad and Brother and it had been going on for 6 months - making our holiday to Turkey in June a joke!

I then called the solicitor and told her that I want to divorce him.

I now feel that a weight has gone from my shoulders. Although I still have to see him most working days, I am a strong enough person to deal with it. I have been a total bitch in some respects with what I have done to mess their lives up - noo apologies there.

To re-cap on his new woman - she is 4' tall x 4' wide, has a squinty eye, a gammy foot, a mad son who smashes the house up, a daughter who has several kids by different fathers - her current husband is in prison for GBH, a dog with mange and open sores and a hovel that stinks of stale dog pee. She looks like scary mary from the phones 4 u adverts - he is 6'5", so they look totally ridiculous together (I am 5'2", so that was bad enough)

I know I am getting flippant again - perhaps that's how I need to deal with it, but it is so insulting that he has left me for such an ugly old slug.

We had a lovely 3 bed semi, a good standard of living and a couple of holidays a year - no children (he had 3 from previous 2 marriages - should have checked that out shouldn't I?), so why?

He has gone, not coming back, good riddance. I lost 17 1/2 stone of dead weight on 5/10/07!

With the help from my friends and family and all the new friends I have made on this site, I will get through this and I will be the better person.

The house is on the market but I have seen a financial advisor and I can afford to buy him out just, so that is the route I am trying to go.

Isn't it a total nightmare?!


User comments

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I cant get the little and large picture out of my mind. ;D
;D LittleNix

Your desription of the other woman made me laugh !!
I am almost six ft 36d and size 12 my ex has left for someone with aaa boobs, 5ft nothing , no hair.make up or dress sense and is known as 'The Rotter' !!

Good luck to all mis matched couples lol !
Little Nix,
Yours is not the first uncomplimentary description of an x's new flame that I have read or heard. After the first one I came across I thought it was just a natural reaction by a spouse feeling rejected trying to rebalance their feelings but............

... I have seen one or two acquaintances' x's with their new partners and admitted the truth in their uncomplimentary descriptions. One never knows what goes on behind someone else's closed doors but It puzzles me how someone can leave (instance A) a normal houseproud woman for an obese and slovenly one, (instance B) an intelligent, graceful, charming and very good looking wife for a young, empty-headed bimbo, (intance C) a witty and warm wife for an ever so vain and self-important clothes horse.

Alright, the second one is obvious - but isn't it also obvious that it's not going to last?

PS NO! I did not move in on the betrayed wife of B as I was 'happily' married at the time.
Jules, perhaps humour is the way I deal with things - always the class joker at school. I know you prefer it when I refer to her as the Walrus, so that is what she will now be re-named as!


Nix ;D
Thank you Downbutnotout - I am glad I made you laugh. To be honest the description is quite kind! ;D
My word that was full and complete. I didn't realise it was so bad you always seems really lighthearted and in good spirits.
Now that you are not a blog virgin, keep it up it can be a way of sharing your thoughts.
Will keep an eye on your blog.
;D Sorry, I know its not nice, but I just woke up half my office from their slumber by laughing out loud at your description of his new woman.
'With the help from my friends and family and all the new friends I have made on this site, I will get through this and I will be the better person.'

You will.

Focus on that as the important point, the rest is just stuff that happens.