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Time is Your Friend

R Updated
Explain to me why Not even the passport went Certificates left, old and dry All clothes remained Books once cherished in piles Family photos in boxes with files Traces of a life gone, erased People left standing, looking amazed Unknown to me, the life had died The person who was had no trace All became twisted, wrapped in lies Haunted now by memories I face A relative passes and there is support Friends & family ever present & kind Departed without trace leaves a fort People don't enter the world or your mind Time is your friend You want to heal but can't begin A new journey starts from within The light returns slowly, you found a way It wasn't about you, always about her

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Have you ever read a research report and thought, 'Well, I could have told you that!'? I think that would probably be our reaction if a researcher actually attempted to get inside the hearts and minds of the leavers.

Vikki Stark's research with over 400 abandoned wives in The Sudden Wife Abandonment Project (S.W.A.P.) established that there is a syndrome of abandonment. It's logical to presume that there is a syndrome of the 'abandoners'.

I think the findings would be reflected in the thousands of wiki posts and blogs over the years. Not scientific enough to be called research, but witness to the human scars of the consequences.

Sometimes Rock, poetry speaks more eloquently and deeply than angry words. Beautifully written. x
M
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You all echo my own experience. I wonder has there been any study done into the mindset of the leaver, as we most of us have experienced such similar patterns.

Well there are some very (seemingly to ordinary folk) meaningless studies funded these days, why not this one :)

Nige x
N
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Hi Rock,

Yes, I agree with Afon, really lovely words that resonate with me.

When I look back at the events during the Tsunami, my X 'entered our home, without my knowledge and permission' and helped himself to our most valuable asset, he never once picked up photographs or any sentimental item relating to his family. I still cannot process that in my head, not having any token of a 20 year family or marriage.

I too still have many of his personal items up in the loft. I know one day he may require them but as far as I'm concerned, 6 years down the line, he had every opportunity to come and collect them, but he is so ashamed of himself that I don't think he dare ever darken my door for them. Who knows, the mystery of the human brain never ceases to amaze me!

Take care for now FoS X
F
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Lovely words Rock,
These words resonate with me so much,how can they leave their life?
By this I don't mean the physical leaving of themselves,I mean our lives...
Photo's,old video's,kids school work...the list goes on,but yes these are just things,but surely these things are a part of us,or is my thought process wrong?
When I have a clear out,I can do it with clothes quite easily but not with other things,because I think of the memories attached to them.So my house is surrounded in memories(No not a shrine to him)I have redecorated it since he has gone,made it my own,but still the knickknacks of my past remain.
Twonk left with his car and clothes,no memories at all,and I cannot fathom it out at all.In my home I still have belongings of his that were his grandparents,his memories,and I cannot just throw them away,those people were real,and I loved them both.Twonk knows they are here,but still does not ask for them,and I just cannot get my head around it.

Maybe I am odd,and yes maybe having nothing is possibly freedom to some,but spending an afternoon going through old photo's is lovely,and revisting that book from my girls bedtimes evokes many feelings,especially when its now being read to my little man...

Nowt as queer as folk :o ;)
A