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so where to begin? a middle aged guy a chronic (as in i've been trying to deal with this all my adult life) depressive suffering from ocd (which was apparently the grain of sand that led to the depression ... as i've been told by the medical profession some 20 years after starting to try to get a handle on this issue :/) married for 17 years (not counting the decree nisi) no kids in the relationship became dependent upon my wife over 10 years ago for the medical reasons noted - at her instigation ... (is that a tripwire??) suffered a major personal and marital breakdown in 2010 had an affair that year the affair has resulted in a new life in this crumby world and have now been in divorce proceedings since 2011 ... and they are still ongoing!! lots of points stem from this love issues - is it really worth it? does it even exist? abusive relationships issues - it's not just men you know! controlling and hypocritical women issues - yes. hypocritical. remember the suffragettes? they had a cause. that's no longer a legitimate argument now though and it has become utterly hypocritical and abusive. the legal system issues ... *!<$*@ dependancy issues ... mental health issues ... omg. isn't life hard enough without these?? personal nullification in this horrendous process issues have i missed a few other issues? no doubt. is there scope for improvement? i'll get back to you on that one. more later.

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I also seen this Mitch and was going to reply last night,but you know me lol...

Reading the post and the wise words of Mitch,there is not a lot I can add,except to welcome you to wiki.
Reading your post,it's obvious that you have had some major issues in the past,and with divorce those issues can become so much more,you now have the added stress of divorce.I don't suffer from depression thankfully,but I know how low my marriage breakup made me feel,those were my darkest moments.

Thankfully depression is now more acknowledged,and the stigma about talking about it has gone.The medical field has made massive strides in medication,counselling and so forth,I just hope that your accessing as much as you can.I know you may feel alone in this,but your not,there is so much support for you,and on wiki also,there are some who can support you so much.
There is always hope in any situation,we just have to believe that we will get through things and make a better life for ourselves...

I will not say"Chin up" it's sounds condescending,but I will say
Stay strong,you can do this....

Hi and welcome to wiki. I was drawn to read your blog by the extensive list of tags, which just about covers all emotions all wikis have had at one time or another. Sorry to read your story.

From my reading, I guess most wikis have suffered periods of reactive depression. True depression is something I have only recently experienced with a family member and I understand just how hard it has been for you all those years. It has come as a shock to me to realise just how difficult it is to remain positive as carer and to continue to show compassion when you really want to tell the person to snap out of it! I know! The worst thing to do, but it's so hard not to because you just want that person back!

As you are aware, mental health issues need specialist care and I hope you have good professional help to cope. I have taken a lot of guidance from a website where you can read how others have got through depression and it is reassuring to know that there is light at the end of that particular tunnel too. You might want to take a look at

You ask what love is and does it even exist. Well I think we all know it exists, or we wouldn't be here discussing coping with the huge void when love has gone from our lives. I think love is what it is. It's different things to each of us according to our life experiences, our aspirations and hopes, and yes, even our upbringing and early childhood. It is that selfless giving of ourselves and caring about another as much as we care for ourselves; it is the outpouring of affection to that special person we feel so strongly about and the desire to please and care for that person as deeply as we care for ourselves. Feel free to disagree!

Not sure about your reference to the brave suffragettes and their struggle to establish that men and women are equal. Should either sex be abusive to their partner, this is not a reason to cast doubt on the case establishing equality. You imply that you were abused and that is extremely sad. There are other male wikis who have experienced that too. Again, you may need professional help to see that you did not deserve to be treated that way.

There is a significant glimmer of light in your blog however, when you say you now have a new life. Long may that continue.