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Unfair exaggeration

A Updated

OK, to be honest, I suspect there is some unfair exaggeration in some of the things I've written recently. I believe it is not unlikely that the hurt and despair that I feel at the moment is tainting my views and making things appear worse than they are. Also, you readers are only getting one side of the story. So, pinch of salt time, I think.

So, if my X2B should ever read this (she's told me that she won't) then I am sorry for any misrepresentation or exaggeration that you think exists. That said, these are my feelings at the time that I am writing. Therefore, if I am upset when I am writing, then that will show through.

 

I'm a bit of a mess at the moment, as you will have seen. I am in constant turmoil trying to see positive things in a very negative situation. I still don't fully understand why this is all happening and that is really difficult for me. I am fighting negative feelings of despair, worthlessness, anger, bitterness etc. because I do not think they are beneficial emotions at this time.

Right now, I have to be strong for my daughter and even for X2B. After I've moved into my hovel I can let go.

And I will, I'm sure.

But for now, my brain feels like it is in a washing machine being spun round one way and then the other with all sorts of things jumbled up not able to be sorted out. I'll get through it in a few days I am sure. Maybe a week.

So there we go. I can't think straight, can't sleep (hence being on here at 4:30 in the morning) and can't help but wonder what I did in a past life to deserve this.

Once, a few weeks ago before this all happened, I was comforting X2B during one of her more emotional periods of despair. She was saying how bad things were for me having to look after her when she has her episodes and how I must think that I had done something wrong in a former life to get stuck with her. I told her that I felt lucky to be married to her and that I must have done something really good before to have deserved it. I said that I believed that I must have caught a bullet meant for the Pope to have been blessed with her company and love.

Now I think that maybe it was me that tried to shoot the Pope.

See, I told you I was a bit of a mess.

User comments

3 comments
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Comment
To be fair, there are usually three sides to every story. One, the other and somewhere lurking in the middle is the thruth. Doesn't mean we're lying, or misrepresenting anything. Just that, if we stand and face each other, my left is your right...
Don't worry yourself about how you're being perceived. You're just fine.
Take care. BB.
T
Comment
What you write is bound to be one sided, there are always two sides, blogging helped me because I could just write what I was feeling and it was my blog and it helped to get the thoughts out of my head and into some sort of coherent order. So what I am saying is just write what you feel and dont worry about being objective, if you do that your blog will be less honest in a way because you wont be expressing yourself. Well thats my opinion in any case. And after three months I haven't needed to blog so much and for the first time in ages I have slept straight through the night and you will get there, but you have to wade through a load of sh*t first, make sure you wear very high wellies!
F
Comment
apm: As I see it, this site has two functions-
to meet new friends who understand what you are going through and who might be able to advise and
to let you write things down to get them off your chest and hopefully help you to cope your thoughts and feelings.
Be assured that both of these things will happen- you are having a really sh***y time at present but being here will help you get through it.
Thinking of you. ;)
H