As I sit here impatiently for his removal people to turn up, I reflect on his not giving me any details being so typical of his lack of care and thought. It was different in the early days. Twenty years worth of clothes, hobbies and his family's stuff is about to leave the house (I hope). Beehives, honey-making equipment, maps, canoe stuff (I sold his canoe), books, drawings, winter clothes....all will soon be on their way to the coast, waiting for him and his OW to continue where we left off. However, on the bright side I can now live without that daily fear in the pit of my stomach, fear that he would turn nasty once he had one too many. The beer cans are long gone but I did find some reminders in the garage as I was sweeping it out and so now I sweep the rest of his stuff out and it feels right that his things will be reunited with their owner. They have weighed me down and I have felt like some kind of keeper. Perhaps the finality of it all today will help me move forward...I don't know how it will feel as the man loads his stuff up. I've got my sunglasses to the ready as I really don't want to cry...
I remember the day STBX moved out all too well - I couldn't bear to watch it, and feared I'd be out on the street sobbing if I was there. So I went out for a run before the removalists came, dreading coming back to see him moving out . But they finished quickly and he didn't have the sensitivity to wait with the boys, so he left his 9 and 10 year old boys sitting alone in the house, having just watched their dad leave the family alone. Memories like that make it unlikely I will ever be able to be friends with himÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ that he could be so elated about his new life that he couldn't wait 5 min till their mum came home to be with them.
Sending ((()))s hard day, Most definatley not making light of your day at all as I have this to come,but will view it as a decluttering exercise. When he took all his clothes recently after a weep I decided I would have to put a positive spin on it so now his wardrobe is housing my shoe collection quiet nicely thank you very much.
Thank you so much for your comments. It really helped to know that others have been through this too in your own different ways. Well, the guy turned up - a mate of my Stbx and was expecting to collect three boxes and a bike. His face dropped when he saw the mountain of stuff. Actually I helped him out with all the stuff and it felt really good. It's true his physical presence is what meant something and this is just stuff. I felt like one of those liberated hoarders and have my dining room and conservatory back. I thought it would feel much more painful.
I am still living with 20 years of accumulated stuff. Many's the time I was tempted to bag it all up (the stuff that is definitely his, anyway) and send it round to him. But I didn't want to antagonise him and anyway he said he didn't want any of it, and now I don't even know where he is living.
Funny how he repeatedly said that he didn't want anything from the house. He insisted that there was nothing there but clothes which no longer fit (remember his body is now his temple), and that all the furniture etc (which we chose together tho admittedly I cared more about the choices than he did) was mine. And then his Form E made no mention of all the brand new stuff he bought with debt for his new life, but suddenly the chattels in the FMH are worth Ã‚Â£200k (seriously!) and he wants half of that amount. Well he can give me Ã‚Â£200k and have the whole lot, with pleasure!!!! ( What's the word Afonlea uses? Twock!)
It's easy to say you will feel happier and lighter without it, but it will still be a wrench I know. In the end however you won't miss any of that stuff, and will be glad not to have to look at it, so try to put a positive spin on the clear-out. Sending hugs.
As much as we like to say we will be glad when the stuff has gone, it must be heart wrenching to watch it go. Went trhough it all in a previous life and despite having a HGV licence and a selection of vehicles I employed a removal firm to move the stuff into storage.
Agree with what our fine freinds have said, when they arrive, offer them a cuppa, show them his stuff and put the telly on. Tell them only to disturb you if they have any doubts on what to take. No doubt he is looking forward to the guys telling them you were emotional or obstructive, be pleasent, we know you will. Don't worry these guys do it for a living and will be used to these situations.
Got this to come again and not looking forward to it one bit, people say it is only 'stuff' but it often holds memories.
Post again to let us know you are ok.
Sending you all the best
DIAH (but digging out)
I had the sort of opposite of that - coming home to his things gone and running from room to room to see what was gone. Either way, he's physically gone. Think of them as just stuff. Frees up space and frees you. Let them go without a second glance. As SG says, go and put the telly on and shut the door on him.
My advice don't watch it. Leave the removal men to it once you have instructed them. I moved my ex's stuff out into storage. It's easier not to watch the stuff leaving. Put the telly on in a different room and shut the door.