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We Might Have Made it....

F Updated
Why did I not seek out someone who had something, anything attractive about him? The only thing that was attractive about Pete was his looks. Otherwise, he was just an unimaginative, negative self centred person. By self centred I don't mean that he was an egotist. No. He just could not not seem to project any of his thoughts about me outwards.... he could never acknowledge that I had worth or that I brought anything of value to our relationship. Not materially or emotionally. All of the things I did to bring up the children, support him while he worked and make a loving and stable home were never mentioned or appreciated. Over the past 9 months, we have tried to talk about our relationship. The closest we came to getting to the truth was when he came back from his enforced holiday in Malta in January after he had slammed out of the house in a dramatic exit. Whilst there alone, he had got the depths of despair. He had been told by our son before he left that he could not treat me the way he did. He saw a man berating his pretty wife in the airport and realised that was him.... He was a changed man when he got back. He said he was deeply sorry for the way he had treated me. There was a glimmer of hope for us then, as he was able to accept that he was in the wrong.... But gradually over the months after that he just went back to the same old person he had been. Losing his temper unreasonably, being unappreciative and critical of me ..... Never accepting any blame for his behaviour or acceptance that he had done any wrong...... And of course, never, ever apologising.... When I left him after our son's Wedding it was because I knew that he would never be the stripped down self-critical person who came back from Malta. I don't know who that person was - perhaps it was the real Pete. Underneath it all there is a real person, but I am tired of trying, Now I will never know......

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Leopards and spots come to mind,