The wedding season will soon be upon us and like many who are divorced this will be at best an odd time, at worst and depending on where we are in our journey, we might simply choose to decline an invitation. If its a family wedding then we will of course want to feel happy and support the bride & groom. I found myself shopping for the kilt hire on line in preparation and thinking hard about how I felt about the whole shebang (no pun intended!) I know that I have come to admire those who choose to have a small private ceremony rather than the big bold statement. I have noted that these tend to be 2nd time around weddings. Everyone has a personal choice. I just can't help but feel that like all the things we can and do value the most, "the wedding" has been taken over by commercial "services" and more recently "celebrity culture". I recalled that in certain parts of our history - and I know in Scotland - all that a couple needed to get married were themselves and a priest or minister who could marry them on a private hill or in a forest somewhere. To me there must have been something very beautiful about that simplicity and privacy; the couple not needing to make a show. Their ceremony was not about that. I wondered also if why, when its all attachments that are ultimately the source of pain, do we attach ourselves in such ways. Of course I know originally it was to have children, provide security etc. I know that in my own case the ultimate format of the day back on 17th April 1993 was not really of my choosing. It was a very "traditional" wedding and the church, location and much of the goings on was for our parents and family. I suppose I was happy to go along with playing out my role as a typical man which was to turn up and play your part! I had a wonderful time though and I have no regrets but I do recognise now that I was perhaps also doing what was expected in so many ways. Now at least as an uncle in this case I will be able to provide some advice to my nephew who I know will do well and of course is very happy. It is a little uncomfortable though knowing that vows seem to be in the end forgotten, thrown away and disregarded by so many. We live in a world of instant gratification and we expect so much from our obvious positions of entitlement which extends to how we dispose as well as how we accumulate. I wish I could have been at peace with myself back then as I am now. I wish I could have known that the person I loved and with whom I married for all the right reasons might one day change beyond all recognition. I would have benefitted I know from the elder male perspective on life, the universe and everything. Someone could have told me that nothing is permanent in this world and that this can be especially true of relationships. This however is at odds with "till death do us part". Although she is still alive, my ex wide died around about 2009. If you are a wedding guest this coming season, I hope you have a good time and enjoy the day.
Wise words from Mitchum - many couples have long and happy relationships and even if we thought the couple ill-matched and unlikely to last the distance, no one would listen anyway. Interestingly a couple of my friends tried to talk me out of mine but I was infuriated and wouldn't discuss it, but I'm curious now to ask what my friend would have said.
As an aside, I've already picked out my next wedding venue - it's a relaxed cafe with a tropical garden, right next to the beach where the beloved blue gropers live. I'm thinking early morning swim instead of a walk down the aisle, cover up in a beach towel instead of a dress, wedding vows then a coffee and pastry at the cafe. Just need to find the time and motivation and courage to find a suitable partner!
I was very fearful going to the first family wedding which was not long after my separation. I concentrated very hard on the stained glass windows in the church so as not to be upset and spoil their day.
Would we have listened? Probably not. We are full of hope and happiness at that ceremony and rightly so. As Jedzy says, as we go through life both partners are growing and changing and sometimes it's not at the same rate and in my case not in the same direction.
Recently I counted the number of couples I know among family, friends and neighbours who are still married after many years and there are a lot. We sometimes forget.
Wish the couple a long and happy life together and hope with all your heart that it will be so for them.
I think RockSteady that even if you had the advice of an older male you would still have gotten married - most people do not marry with the intention of it not being a life long commitment - what we do not realise is that we change as we get older - if we do not support each other in that change then the marriage stumbles. It does not mean the decision to get married is not a valid one.
I love a good wedding - complete with all the family drama and intrigue that goes with it ;D