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a week in which I have struggled.

T Updated
this is my would have been anniversary week.somehow it has all caught up with me this week and I have been very emotional ,I dont understand why,other than I have seen ex twice as he has been helping me with jobs around the place,so again I have got sucked into hearing how his new relationship was a mistake, and how unhappy he is.Urgh why do let myself get him to do things to hep out when it only makes me bacck depending on him, and it is so much easier to pay someone. It has made me want to scream with annoyance and anger,but no I have kept my tongue and listened to the manipulative bullshit and stepped away mentally from it.Spent hours awake wondering what the years have been for spent together and how I have ended up how things are. So now I am hoping its a hiccup and I shall wake up tomorrow with my renewed resilience,and happiness within myself.I am slowly sorting out my possessions,its an awful job,knowing what to ge rid of and what to keep,I am reaching the stage when I jut want rid of it all and then I can concentrate on improving my life as much as can.

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Hi townie,

What else can I add other than wise words above from three very wise ladies!

Don't get caught up in his BS it's not worth anymore pain. I know it is hard but my X recently e-mailed me out of the blue, expecting me to jump at his command. I made the decision, I reflected on the last 5 years and I came to the same conclusion as Mitchum states. He no longer has any control or power over me. The divorced was finalised a year ago, the finances sorted, the children are adults now, I chose not to respond nor retort to his e-mails. My silence has spoken volumes!

He gave me no cuttings when I went through years of hell, that amputation without anaesthetic, maybe by me taking back control of my own life, he may feel a little of what it was like. Who knows?

Hang on in there townie, it takes time.

Take care for now FoS x

Afon is right, one day you will reach a point when there is absolutely nothing more he can do to hurt you and that is when you will be finally free. That will not minimise the hurt you've suffered so far, but you'll know there can be no more.

At some time the emotions we are feeling about the person we loved must be severed. If not, the unbroken cord is a channel between you, through which emotions continue to flow. That makes it extremely difficult to build a new life.

Letting them back into our lives somehow limits the amount of closure you can experience because they're still there, leaving you with a continued sense of sadness. You say...

'It has made me want to scream with annoyance and anger,but no I have kept my tongue and listened to the manipulative bullsh*t and stepped away mentally from it...' My advice is to keep walking.

By cutting the cords you are setting yourself free. Get someone in to do the jobs you can't manage, it may cost money but there is no emotional surcharge. You pay and they leave, job done.

Cutting the cord can help you separate yourself from all that old baggage and bullsh*t. You'll have no need to hold your tongue, because you are no longer accountable to him and you don't have to listen. I urge you to keep walking away. xx

I so agree Flowers,these emotions are a funny thing that live inside of us,without them we would be non people,well robots in my opinion.
Whilst going through a sort of truce with Twonk,and actually thinking that we would possibly be friends again,something has come to light that has blown any chance of that now,he is not worthy of my friendship,my help or good wishes.This goes against the person that I am,I always look for the good in people,especially those closest to me.Also my daughter has decided that he can no longer be in both her and my little man's life,her decision totally,do I feel sorry for him? No I don't...

So Townie,look after yourself hun,this is a hiccup,you will find that resilience to get through all this.One day those emotions will be felt but dealt with,the day that he cannot hurt you anymore will be the day your free.

We are all changing,and now we are al starting to see things so much clearer.

Afon xxx
I never cease to be cross, angry, cheated by myself.....for still having these painful emotions after so much time. Emotion is a funny old business. We just have to ride the rough waters until they pass. All this is my long winded way of sending a wiki hug and reassuring you (and me) that we are not alone.

Take good care and be nice to yourself today. My trick is -'what would I like to do with a partner or good friend today' and just jolly well do it. I know you have health and care issues - but even if it is just treating yourself to a chick flick, good book, comedy on iplayer - whatever floats your particular boat - please do it for yourself today. To use that overused phrase - give yourself permission. Hugs again. sf